Road Rules
One By The Wayside

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See You Jiselater

We're back. Someone's getting voted off. Pray it's me. Really, the most interesting thing about this episode is going to be how long B/M can drag out what everyone already knows -- nay, what they themselves have revealed for six weeks now in the stupid opening credits. I swear, Scooby Doo provides more suspense than this show.

Previously, Jisela got scared during the first helicopter mission. So did Ellen. Ellen's left eye floated that Jisela has a tough front but might be a bit weaker underneath. Genius. Ellen cried on the zip line. Jisela weakly spun that if they lose, it's because of Ellen. Yeah, but only if you go down the mountain, dumb shit. Look at me, already getting emotionally involved. Dammit! Ignore me. Just like B/M does to Steve. Jisela stands on the top of the mountain weeping. Just like me. Just like me right now.

Opening credits. Your mom is different. The kids. The photos. The booting someone off. The degree to which I care -- so small. My cat WWFs off the bookcase, but misses my head and lands in the fern. She stalks away, kicking dirt from her paws. She's going to kill me soon. If I'm found dead, you all can tell the cops who did it.

Jisela. Crying. On the line. Sophia tells her nothing is going to happen. She doesn't say "dog," which is pretty amazing. CLS keeps whipsering to Jisela, trying to comfort her. At the bottom, Blair tells us that he's worried, because now they only have forty-five minutes to get down. Jisela freaks out and says she's not going. CLS stops her, telling her to shut up and that he'll unlock her his way, not the way she says. Jisela says, "Fine." Man, Jisyella allowing someone to talk to her that way! She must be crazy scared. More mumbling. More mumbling. Sophia floats that this is going to look bad to the group and that she "may" lose her friend. Jesus, wake up and smell the plane ticket. Your crush is gizzone. Sophia hugs Jisela. They both cry. Ellen tells the camera -- from the bottom now (?) -- that she hopes Jisela will go. Crack B/M Editing Crew: pissing me off early, y'all.

ADDam says that he can't wait for Jisela to change her mind, and that he has to go. So he does. Blair tells us that there is "a hundred percent chance" that Jisela is indeed going to go down, because she's stubborn. Well, she may be going down sometime soon, but it ain't on this mountain, I'll tell you that. Up top, Jisela tells Sophia that she's not going. The Music of My Growing Allergy to MTV plays as Adam arrives on the bottom and tells people that Jisela's not coming -- that her "life is too important." Blair floats that he knows Jisela can do it. Dude, you may have the willpower to stop eating pie constantly, but you can't make Jisela do what you want. Ain't no one can do that shit.

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Road Rules

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