Last is the guy we barely met: Adam. He climbs rocks and is twenty-two, from Rhode Island, whatever that is. He's a "Hospitality major" at BU. What the fuck is that? I guess he's studying manners. He seems nice and low-key, and says he likes to listen and raise people's spirits. He floats that he hopes to be a good leader, as the rest of his body opens the door and is greeted by the others.

The group hugs, and for a second I think how cool this group seems so far and that I really like everyone, but then I remember Ellen; Ellen goes floaty and says that she and Adam bonded at the Casting Special. She sluts, "He has, like, this whole spiritual side to him. Plus he's really smart, so it's all good. He's kind of funny, too." That will be on his tombstone, it's so eloquent. Adam earns a hundred bucks from the evilness that is B/M as he says that he smells a "handsome reward" in their future. (Or maybe it's a shout-out?!) The funniest part here is that the Petty, Petty Princess Ellen is pointing to her cheek for Adam to kiss, and he totally ignores her. One thing I don't understand is how this girl is from Iowa. She belongs in Brentwood. Blowing C-list TV actors under a table at SkyBar.

So now some dude in a fez and a big white kafir or whatever you call them -- I'm sorry, but I simply don't care enough to find out what traditional Moroccan garb is called -- greets the kids and has them follow him. He says, "I've been asked to collect all your cash and your credit cards." Funny, last time I went overseas someone said that to me too, but he was holding a knife at the time. Man, for a kid who grew up in a box Steve sure has a lot of cash. Kafir then hands the kids instructions, which they read aloud. Their goal in Road Rules 10: The Quest for the Crest is to recover fragments of an "ancient" crest which has been broken into ten pieces. There is then something totally half-assed about the ten pieces representing attributes the other casts have "struggled to attain." (What, like "bitchiness," "racism," "annoyinghood," and "tooldom"?) Steve floats, just like they said last year, and, I'm sure, every year that things are different. Right. You even have the same disgruntled dude recapping for you in the same apartment in the last block of the Hollywood Hills with the same cat who wants to kill him and all of you for making her sit through yet another season of this shite. How is that different? Anyway, if they fail a mission, they'll have one chance to make it up. If they fail two missions, one person gets voted off. Ellen explains this to us as her errant left eye scans the distance for men. I don't quite understand whether it means they can't fail two missions all season, or that they can't fail a mission and then also its make-up. Oh, and if they don't get all pieces of the crest, they don't get their "handsome reward." I can't believe they're making us say "handsome reward" again. So sad. Also, it's bullshit that they'll have make-ups, but anyway, obviously they have to get each piece -- otherwise everyone is just going to be pissed and bummed and there will be no goal and B/M will probably just give them their prize anyway and oh, it's all starting to flood back to me, what this show does to me. I can't let it hurt me or get under my skin. Help me. Help me.