Road Rules

Episode Report Card
Stee: B | 301 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
We're Whining On The Marrakech Express

Okay, back from Wishland. Ellen is scared. She floats that she is afraid of heights and will die and be eaten by vultures. Jim Morrison via Fatboy Slim sings to us (it's "Bird of Prey" -- terrible musical pun, editing staff) as we get odd slo-mo shots and the chopper hovers over an area with a bunch of camels and they throw the ladders out and the little guy who did "Desert Rose" with Sting starts yodeling and they're ready to go. Jisela floats that she thinks it'll be easy. Suddenly we get shots from her helmet cam; she's breathing hard. Then Adam starts, and he says that climbing down a ladder with four-inch steps and the wind flapping them around is hard. Jisela is having a hard time, and she wishes she could be on the ground already. It looks easy, but what do I know? I'm sitting in my boxers eating a Blow Pop and drinking a Diet Coke with my feet up and a laptop on my thighs.

Anyway, Adam says that he was worried about Jisela, since he was having such a hard time himself -- and he's a rock climber and loves being in the "crack" and all. Then he says -- and we see this -- he looked over from his ladder and saw Jisela fall. Yup, Jisela falls. She screams, and we see a shitty shot from her helmet cam and the Guitar of The Glorious First Commercial Break plays and the ladders hang empty. Commercials. God love them.

Chopper. S.E.A.L. guy looks down. Jisela just hangs on her (DAMN!) safety cable, crying. She has twenty second to grab back on, but she doesn't. She's lowered to the desert floor and weeps. She floats that it wasn't so much "physically falling but emotionally falling." Uh, no. It was very much physically falling. Your ass fell. So anyway, she fails the mission. Goodbye. Jisela weeps harder. Very hard. No one cares.

Back in the chopper. Ellen and Blair are next. Ellen says that she's scared, and that she's so far up that the people don't look like ants but rather like "parts of ants." Maybe that's because her left eye is busy playing in the upper quadrant of her socket. The kids climb. The kids on the floor clap. Ellen screams for help. She floats, "I'm going? To splat? Completely flat? Onto the Sahara desert?" They're about halfway down. Jisela encourages her. Shut up, loser. Blair says it's the most physically demanding thing Ellen's ever done. They both make it. Ellen says that she knew she could make it. Liar.

Road Rules

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