So, kids. After a year, you might wonder why I came back for more. You may wonder how the hell didn't the "Maximum Suck Tour" didn't take me out for good? Well, it nearly did. But after recapping The $treet, Temptation Island, and then Chains of Love, Road Rules seems like Seinfeld by comparison. And I'm not simply happy because this show is only half an hour (except for this first one, of course), but because...well, at least this show has been sucking for ten seasons now, and they simply seem to have figured out how to at least suck sorta entertainingly. Also, I don't think the Road Master is back, which pleases me to no end. Anyway. Here we go.
During the Casting Special, we got to know the cast members a bit better than we have in previous years, and they already got to form opinions of each other. We'll see how that dramatic development plays out and makes things different -- which my guess will be not at all. We open, even though the TiVo in my life hasn't figured out that MTV starts shows seemingly whenever they want and I might have missed something, in the Sahara desert, where l'il white vehicles race across the sand. The Music of Salman Rushdie's Fatwa plays as we meet the cast, sitting individually in the Jeeps wearing blindfolds (that's hot). The first person being punished for not being interesting enough to be on The Real World is Jisela. She's twenty and from Tampa. She made out with the lesbian and Angel during the Casting Special, remember? We learn that she's a Business major at a local community college (the brains of this group!) as her disembodied head floats in front of a sunrise and she tells us that she likes to be in charge and we won't be seeing the "kinder, gentler Jisela."
Vehicles. Camels. Vehicles. Next cast member. It's Sophia, the Macy Gray-lookin', twenty-three-year-old lesbian from Elmont, NY. She studies Communications at Albany. She goes floaty and tells us that she's not afraid of anything except coming out to her dad, which she's still struggling with. I'm still struggling with telling my mom that I watch Road Rules every week, so I feel where she's coming from.
Next is Ellen, the crazy, bitchy, "baby ass"-having, Thom Yorke lazy-eyed, Asian-American girl from Iowa. She is studying journalism and proves it by floating that she expects to have fun but she doesn't want to have to be "pulling the boat" for everyone else on the team. Hee. I love how she talks. English be damned. (Oh, don't get me wrong. She doesn't have an accent or anything, she's just stupid.) The way? She talks? With question mark? Everywhere? Cracks me up?