Road Rules
Quest For The Crest

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We're Whining On The Marrakech Express

Chopper. S.E.A.L. guy looks down. Jisela just hangs on her (DAMN!) safety cable, crying. She has twenty second to grab back on, but she doesn't. She's lowered to the desert floor and weeps. She floats that it wasn't so much "physically falling but emotionally falling." Uh, no. It was very much physically falling. Your ass fell. So anyway, she fails the mission. Goodbye. Jisela weeps harder. Very hard. No one cares.

Back in the chopper. Ellen and Blair are next. Ellen says that she's scared, and that she's so far up that the people don't look like ants but rather like "parts of ants." Maybe that's because her left eye is busy playing in the upper quadrant of her socket. The kids climb. The kids on the floor clap. Ellen screams for help. She floats, "I'm going? To splat? Completely flat? Onto the Sahara desert?" They're about halfway down. Jisela encourages her. Shut up, loser. Blair says it's the most physically demanding thing Ellen's ever done. They both make it. Ellen says that she knew she could make it. Liar.

Back up. Steve says that the "unstability [sic] of the ropes being so close together makes it hard" and gave him vertigo. I guess he also learned English in a box. Ellen yells up for him to go "sideways." What? Well, that doesn't seem like very good advice to give someone climbing down a vertical ladder. Also, they're right under a helicopter and up two hundred feet. I'm no physicist, but I'm sorta doubting they can hear you at that point. Blair then tells us that Steve's shoe falls off, which we see, so he kicks his other shoe off. I pray for it to hit Ellen, but it doesn't. I guess poor-ass Steve is used to being shoeless. Sophia says that her "big butt" can't make it down the ladder. But she does. They both do. Everyone screams and congratulates them. Ellen floats that Jisela is not a wimp, but that it takes more than confidence and pride to succeed sometimes. Man, now why does Ellen have to get all astute on us? Damn. Anyway, it's a good point, because Jisela is all spackle and paint, but who knows what's underneath?

The kids are not sure that they accomplished that part of the mission or not, but now they go over and open a chest. They get a GPS device and a note saying they have to be at "mark two" by sundown. They get a map and money and food and traditional blue outfits. Someone says, "We're going to be true rocking style, yo." Man, what year is this? Blair then floats that they turned around and saw camels, which they'll have to ride. Some dude -- Abdul -- comes out and teaches them how to put on heir headdresses, which they all fuck up. He then quickly gives them commands for the camels, and the kids climb up on the beasts. Adam, using the GPS, gives them a direction and they take off on the camels. The B/M Editing Staff -- who hate me, I'm sure -- get bored and do a little 1984 editing trick that makes the kids look like they disappear. How very Bewitched of you guys. Nice job.

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Road Rules

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