Road Rules
Rappin To Win

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The Bitchslap Heard 'Round the RV

Driving. Shane tells Kendal that the slap was meant to be playful, but it was stupid. Shane is eating paint out of the can right now. That can't be good for him. Shane says he doesn't know if it's "fixed" yet. The Worst Song Next To The Theme plays, talking about "soul searching" and "nothing inside." It's like the drummer from Live did a solo album, and had his eleven-year-old nephew write the lyrics.

Now the kids arrive at the University of Alabama. The Mayors are standing on balance beams for some symbolic reason. The kids wonder why, and then say it doesn't matter and that they're going to do whatever they need to do to win. Everyone laughs. The kids meet their "y'all" Mayors, Candace and Jonathan. Hm, I'm guessing that Shane might just have met that elusive "somebody for him on the trip" in his new Mayor. The Mayors say it has to do with balance and Kendal camera-hos that she thinks they're doing rodeo. Wha?

Now they all move to a field with safety ropes over vertical poles. They're "position poles," and Candace explains that the kids will have to stand on them for a cumulative eighteen hours -- three hours per kid. ExpoEric camera-dorks that they'll be paired up, and if someone falls, their time will be added to the group's remaining time. Jonathan stays silent and mysterious for Shane as Candace babbles on (as students watch from the sidelines) that if they make it they'll win surf packages from LOCAL MOTION, with wet suits and boards. The kids then pretend to be excited. They put on shirts with big targets on them as Candace says that every half hour on the hour, students will throw rotten food at them for five minutes per time. Wow, that sucks. We see the students cheering, wearing gloves and digging into big buckets of meat and mac and banana peels and shit. Ew. That sucks.

Sarah now camera-talks that this isn't "exactly [her] cup of tea," but that she'll do it. Oh, bless you, Sarah. How kind. Jonathan lisps that they'll pair them up now. Rachel and Kendal. Shane and Darrell. Of course. They make it seem like they're picking at random with little scraps of paper, but, c'mon. Rachel camera-mans that when she hears Shane's and Darrell's names being picked together, she steps back and prays for them. Darrell is not happy to have to be with "old Shane." He says he's in hell right now. "Hugging?" says Shane to Darrell. Oh, man. They have to stand on a pole hugging each other! Yeah, I don't think I'd be particularly happy to have to hug a dude for three straight hours. Darrell goes on that he just wanted to say "fuck the surfboards," but he couldn't let his team down like that. Okay. That's the Darrell I know and kind of like a tiny bit.

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Road Rules

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