Road Rules
Rappin To Win

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The Bitchslap Heard 'Round the RV

It looks really hard just to even get on top of the pole and stand, but they all do it and then hug. The "couples" settle as Darrell asks why Shane's squeezing him so hard. Hee. Darrell, annoyed, tells Shane to breathe in and relax, dog. Darrell then camera-talks that Shane is crying and trembling. They're both holding each other as far apart as possible like two kids dancing at an eighth-grade mixer. Darrell says he wanted to laugh at Shane crying, but he knew it would make Shane panic. Shane does panic, and Darrell has to tell him to relax about twenty times. Finally, Mayor McJonathan asks if they're comfortable and says their time is starting now.

Students start chanting, "Yabba Dabba Yellow Hammer. Give 'em hell, Alabama." Eh. I'm sure there's a delightful yarn about the origins of that chant, but I couldn't fucking care less. Now Mayor Candace tells the students that when they hear the air horn, they should start throwing the food. Everyone is ready and the horn blows and they start launching macaroni and shit at the kids. It's pretty fucking funny. Kendal says that it's hamburger meat and how pissed is Sarah now? -- I guess she's a vegetarian. Darrell gets hit in the goggles with meat. Hee. The time runs out and everyone is okay. A student tells Shane to grab Darrell's ass and Darrell tells him not to do it. Darrell says, "You fucking touch me like that, dog, I will sock you as I fall." Hee. That's good stuff. Shane says it was a joke and that he's not attracted to Darrell. Darrell says he felt his hand go lower; that's all. They both laugh nervously. Man, that's some funny shit. Gay tension at thirty feet.

Now Sarah tells Eric she thinks she's going to pass out. Darrell yells that if she falls, she should just fall herself and not take Eric with her. Darrell is very concerned about earning a single extra second up there with Shane. Sarah moans really lamely as Eric says she's going to throw up or something. I'm sorry Sarah, but really, what a lame-o you are here. Lame-o. Everyone smirks as Sarah moans on, and we puke off to commercials.

So yeah, Sarah "falls" down, and the crowd laughs and boos as she gags on her way down. That Pink song that goes "I'm a hazard to myself" plays as Sarah touches her suck-ass down on the ground and the Mayor adds her time to everyone else's. Hee. Darrell quietly swears as Rachel jokes that maybe it was the meat. Darrell asks if Sarah threw up; he hopes she did but he bets she didn't. We cut to a shot of Sarah sitting on the ground happy as a clam chatting with students. Man, that's a fucked-up edit right there -- or Sarah is a total ass. Shane says that if it were him, he wouldn't be smiling, and continues pleading his own case to Darrell by saying that Sarah doesn't care about anyone. He then tells us the same thing, as if we have any control over not voting him off...and it's too bad that we don't.

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Road Rules

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