Road Rules

Ep.

Title

Air/Pub'l

Grade

Author

11-11
Recap

Sarah Is Lucky

Sarah Is Lucky - A thumbnail sketch of the episode until the full recap goes live.

09.01.2002
09.02.2002

Stee

11-10
Recap

No Time Is a Good Time for Goodbyes

Surfing To Goodbye - The voting continues and Sarah doesn't get the reprieve she (and her parents who have to see her now) was hoping for. As we like to say around the forums: here comes the boot! The decision makes the one hold-out, Kendal, question her relationship with Eric. Girl should have done that two months ago. We also meet the new bleh.

08.18.2002
08.24.2002
C-

Stee

11-9
Recap

This Boot Is Made For Sarah

Dean Jumping - Ooooooklahoma! where Sarah goes running back to home. Yeah, this is the beginning of the end for Sarah, folks, when the team fails a car surfing mission. The kids then spend the rest of the episode agonizing over the decision of whether to boot someone or give up their prizes, but like it's Sophia's Choice, all crying all over the place.

08.11.2002
08.17.2002
C+

Stee

11-8
Recap

Yes-He's-Gay

The Naked Truth - All Shane's troubles seemed so far away/ Now he needs a place to prance and play/ Make no mistake, that Shane is gay/ Suddenly, Shane's not half the straight he used to be/ While in Texas learning to Bungee/ Face it, Darrell: Yes-He's-Gay

08.04.2002
08.10.2002
D+

Stee

11-7
Recap

Still Life

Alligators, Bugs, And Snakes Oh My!!! - The kids stay in New Orleans and are forced by B/M to get naked. That's the whole mission: "Be naked." Finally B/M gets down to what we really want. Too bad it was with this cast.

07.28.2002
08.03.2002
C

Stee

11-6
Recap

Or Not To Bee

Slaps And Failure - The kids. New Orleans. Fake Fear Factor. James from Season Nine. Bees and Spiders. Alligators. Darrell and Rachel. Lameness.

07.21.2002
07.28.2002

Stee

11-5
Recap

The Bitchslap Heard 'Round the RV

Rappin To Win - Though it's really not a big deal, B/M and the kids both treat Shane's stupid but innocuous slap of Darrell as this major thing -- particularly, one gets the sense, because Shane is gay and Darrell is homophobic. This is how B/M tells the story. You be the judge. Oh yeah, also, the kids do a pole-sitting contest where they get rotten food thrown at them, and surprise, Sarah blows it.

07.14.2002
07.20.2002
C

Stee

11-4
Recap

Fixed

Marching To Sorrow - The kids go to Atlanta and compete in a step contest at a university, against the kids from MTV.com. They totally lose, but somehow, don't. Also, everyone suddenly hates Shane. ("Suddenly?" says his home town.)

07.07.2002
07.13.2002
C-

Stee

11-3
Recap

Plateen

Rollin Rollin - As if the defenders of this country don't have enough to deal with right now, they're forced to "train" our teen and recent teen Six of Suck at the Citadel for a few days. Some unlucky cadets are relegated to making like Lou Gossett Jr. and then shamelessly plugging no-name dot-coms as they give the kids their undeserved prizes. Oh yeah, did Stee mention Sarah falls twice?

06.30.2002
07.06.2002
C

Stee

11-2
Recap

Stunted Growth

Here Piggy Piggy - The kids make like stuntmen and try to flip a car off a ramp. Yes, it's actually a cool mission, for once. But don't worry -- Stee's sure they'll be back to stuff like Competitive Walking and Bobbing For Apples next week. Oh, and yeah, people hate Sarah more and more, until there is a big Scooters vs. Sarah vote. I guess for some it would depend on which they'd prefer to ride.

06.23.2002
06.27.2002
C+

Stee

11-1
Recap

What Bright Side?

The Woodie Crawl - Six kids in an RV doing missions. Again.

06.16.2002
06.23.2002
C+

Stee

10-16
Recap

Hit The Road Jack

Sad Goodbyes - Here is a list of things that are more emotionally affecting than the last episode of this criz-nap season of the show B/M seriously needs to pay more attention to in the future: Seeing a dead snail. The One starring Jet Li. Getting to the last Diet Coke in a twelve-pack. A junior-high production of The Normal Heart. Breaking a shoelace. Jennifer Love Hewitt's performance in the new Enrique Iglesias video. Gum. Dawson's pops getting killed (okay, now we're pushing it). Come read as Stee sits through the tears (all from ADDam) and the incredible relief on the other six's faces (including Stee) to finally be rid of him.

10.28.2001
10.30.2001

Stee

10-15
Recap

Saving Private Steven

Unfair Warfare - Because even Bunim and Murray haven't watched an episode of Road Rules since '98, MTV decides to cram the last two episode of this half-baked, half-cocked, half-assed season into one night, so they can use the precious Monday night Ten Spot for things people want to watch more, like Spyder Games, reruns of the 1997 MTV Movie Awards, and Diary of The Drummer from Linkin Park -- "You think you know, but you have no interest." Aside from tears and unearned sentimentality, this penultimate episode sees the Six of Suck back in America playing war games. Oh, and next time you're in battle and you yell, "Medic!," be careful, because you might just get one of these idiots.

10.28.2001
10.29.2001
D+

Stee

10-14
Recap

This Is What Happens

Desert Dueling - In another one of B/M's clever uses of The Time Line as offensive weapon to cause confusion, disorientation, and eventually surrender in recappers, the Real World crew is back -- even though we already saw them visit Morocco in a Real World episode months ago. This time, the crews battle in a three-event challenge which actually is the first of their missions that has made me actually glad I don't have to participate, and not just because I would hate to have to interact with most of these people.

10.21.2001
10.22.2001
B

Stee

10-13
Recap

Katie Did It

Desert Dueling - For some reason -- probably more easily attributed to B/M's terrible planning than anything else -- the kids are told to go back to Morocco, where they're given yet another job. (Man, these kids get more jobs than Justin Timberlake sitting alone in the back of a gay porno theatre.) Their new gig is to work in a tannery, but Katie almost gets them all killed by complaining, moaning, bitching, and nearly-gagging the entire time. Granted, they are up to their privates in pigeon shit, but still. Okay, fine, Stee might be bitching, too.

10.14.2001
10.16.2001
C-

Stee

10-12
Recap

Sucking And Entering

Hanging By A Line - The kids get their coolest mission yet: to break into an ancient Spanish fortress using ropes and night-vision goggles, and steal their piece of the crest without being detected. Naturally, they fuck it up big time. Oh yeah -- there is also a tacked-on scene in which they try to make it look like Steve and Katie are going to get down, only to have them both insist that nothing is going to happen and that they are just friends. Exciting!

10.07.2001
10.09.2001
C-

Stee

10-11
Recap

Old People Are Stupid

Hanging By A Line - Sophia and Ellen bond (sorta) over their mutual fear of letting their parents know who they really are. Well, hell, if it was that easy, our entire generation would be in one big-ass group hug. Since B/M has no fucking ideas left, the kids once again have to jump from something tall. This time, it's a bungee jump over some Spanish gorge. This time they have to find old folks to jump with them. I guess they don't have the same sort of lawsuit system in Spain, because if they tried that shit in America, you can bet there would be some seniors with slipped disks and their gnarled hands out.

09.30.2001
10.02.2001
D+

Stee

10-10
Recap

The Dating Lame

Jumping With The Jones - After a 9/11-sensitive shuffling of the episodes, the kids need money once again, and earn money by being whores (well, going out on dates and getting paid for it, which really isn't much different).

09.23.2001
09.25.2001
C+

Stee

10-9
Recap

If You Build It, They Will Suck

Up A Slick Pole - B/M crappily crafts a show about how much Ellen hates the group and how much everyone hates Ellen -- and then throws in some crap where they have to earn the Crest of Trust by building a human tower somewhere in Spain, even though it seems as though the involved events most likely happened months away from each other. Par for the suck.

09.09.2001
09.12.2001

Stee

10-8
Recap

Suck It Up

Just Eat Cake - B/M, perhaps realizing that they've created yet another ridiculously stupid episode, throw us a bone (no pun intended) by offhandedly revealing that Ellen and ADDam have been having oral sex with each other in the Tioga. And though it really doesn't matter after that, the kids do some retarded mission involving a meringue fight and then get money they don't actually earn.

09.02.2001
09.04.2001
C

Stee

10-7
Recap

Legally Bland

Enter The Katie - ADDam makes a very important document in preparation for the arrival of the new cast member, sent to replace Jisyella. The new girl is Katie -- which comes as a surprise to absolutely no one on or watching the show -- and she doesn't suffer fools gladly. She dispenses with the niceties as quickly as she whips out her Daddy's Visa card back home, refusing to be hazed by Adam and his Stupid List of Pranks to Make the New Girl Earn Her Spot. The kids go through with a lame sliding-through-fire mission, and then argue a wee tiny bit. What's Spanish for "yawn"?

08.19.2001
08.22.2001
C-

Stee

10-6
Recap

See You Jiselater

One By The Wayside - The kids continues their desuckalon, failing the mission as Jisela refuses to rappel down the mountain. B/M then draws the shit out of the decision-making on who to boot, when really there is no choice. Sophia and Jisela naturally stick together and vote against Ellen, while the other kids' decisions supposedly remain up in the air for a tension-filled twenty-two minutes. In the end, you know what happens. (Hint: the decision makes Sophia cry like Beyoncé begging her father to let her take a short nap before their next forty-nine gigs.)

08.12.2001
08.14.2001
B-

Stee

10-5
Recap

Man, Those Kids Are Rappelant

Jumping With The Jones - The kids get all Iron Man on us as the beleaguered Spanish extreme sport B/M whores try to get the Six of Suck to bike ride, jog, slide, swim, and rappel within two and a half hours. Naturally, many things do not cooperate: the equipment, the weather, Jisela. Ellen does some showboating and ends up fucking up. Jisela saves her and everything looks disgustingly peachy keen. But just when the bile begins to rise in our throats from the sweetness, it's Jisela's turn to rappel, and all blah breaks blah.

08.05.2001
08.08.2001
C+

Stee

10-4
Recap

Bye-Curious

Falling Head Over Heals - Jisela acts like a terrible friend when she pals around with Sophia and then, behind her back, starts telling everyone that she thinks Sophia is trying to get some, "24-7." Didn't we retire "24-7" yet, along with "Audi 5000" and "raise the roof"? Stee thought we had. Also, Ellen and ADDam fight, but then Adam gets food poisoning and Ellen goes into nurse mode. (No, she doesn't take her boobie out for that. Pervs.) The kids then prepare for the mission that gets Jisela booted...er, "the climbing mission" where Jisela -- shocker -- yells at everyone.

07.29.2001
08.01.2001
D+

Stee

10-3
Recap

Funky Old Medina

Sex, Camels, And Deliveries - The Six of Suck, having never learned the value of money, are broke and hungry, and thus, B/M sets them up with a job. They're given a few donkeys and a few hours to deliver a bunch of goods to different merchants through the cramped streets of a medina in Fes. However, there is a catch: they are the Road Rulers. Also...ADDam's off his meds again. Surprise surprise surprise.

07.22.2001
07.23.2001
C+

Stee

10-2
Recap

Get your bitch on

Snakes, Snakes Everywhere - Jisela's claws come out in a way that they couldn't last week because she was getting to know everyone, or on the Casting Special when Coral's bitch shadow was looming too large over everyone. The object of Jisela's rage is Adam, who, out of nowhere, starts acting like a tool. We learn, however, in a pussy-ass revelation, that he suffers from ADD. Jisela and ADDam kiss and make up. Oh yeah, the kids do some snake charming. It might be pretty scary when you're there, but it's a bit like Extreme Babysitting where I'm sitting.

07.15.2001
07.17.2001
C-

Stee

10-1
Recap

We're Whining On The Marrakech Express

Quest For The Crest - Well, even though everyone else has, MTV still hasn't given up on Road Rules. This season, Stee will be forced to sit through the latest in Road Rules's constant and by now just plain pathetic attempt to find an identity. This time out, it looks to be some weird Suvivor-meets-Indiana Jones thing involving the new Six of Suck trying to find ten pieces of some ancient something. Whatever -- it's still just The Real World in an RV.

07.08.2001
07.12.2001
B-

Stee

9-25
Recap

The Real World/Road Rules Casting Special

The Real World/Road Rules Casting Special - Bunim-Murray finally realizes that, this year, they've got some competition in the reality-show field. So, they forego their normal casting special and instead put on a week-long extravaganza to see which finalists will debase themselves in front of the cameras the most. And then, they don't even cast the guy who painted his head white and cried three times.

06.28.2001
06.28.2001
B-

Kim

9-20
Extra

Msaada Speaks. Stee Listens. Bunim/Murray Cringes.

The Msaada Interview - Stee listens and listens and listens as our favorite and least shown Road Ruler talks about everything from the audition process to the Kat/Laterrian make-out drama to the special love between Theo and James.

02.22.2001
02.22.2001

Stee

9-19
Recap

Going To The Chapel And We're Gonna Get Cancelled

The Ball And Chain - Voice I Don't Care About tells the Six of Suck (well, Five but that doesn't alliterate) that they've accepted their marriage mission. Graphic of Stupid. One more thing I won't miss. "Get Married In 24 Hours With A 5000 Dollar Limit."

10.22.2000
10.22.2000

Stee

9-18
Recap

Fit To Be Tied

Letting Out The True Feelings - Several small Brady Bunch squares inform me that the kids must be in Hollywood, because they show the Hollywood sign and then several half-naked girls. I know every time I'm there you can't flick a cigarette out the car window without hitting a half-naked girl on the ass.

10.15.2000
10.15.2000

Pamie

9-17
Recap

B/M x 2 + H2O = Zzzzzzzzz

A Day Out On O-Town - So anyway, Kathryn floats (I actually missed not having the floaties last week) that they walk into the terminal (we see this) and find a little boy band praying. They wonder if it's the Backstreet Boys. No. As Jann waves a fart away with a manila folder, she introduces the kids as "O-Town."

10.08.2000
10.08.2000

Stee

9-16
Recap

Dumbward Bound

Alone With Your Thoughts - Elaine says, "Your next mission is to spend forty-eight hours in seclusion." Theo asks if they'll be all together or all alone. Alone. "Whoo!" chaws Theo. "Dude, you just couldn't give a better gift...at a better time."

10.01.2000
10.01.2000

Stee

9-15
Recap

Highway To The Stupid Zone

Flying With The African Birds - The kids walk to "Thunder City" and on the tarmac are met by Graham Smith, new Mission Mayor. Graham talks and Holly goes Scaryteeth all up and down the airport, causing three plans to crash from the glare. Mayor Graham tells them that although he doesn't know what they are expecting, Thunder City is a jet-flight school.

09.24.2000
09.24.2000

Stee

9-14
Recap

Cry, The Beloved Country: They Haven't Left Yet!

Revenge In The Bush - Recently, the kids have actually been given an official African name by some of the locals: Mjaaybobbatunday. It means, "They who won't fucking go home already."

09.17.2000
09.17.2000

Stee

9-13
Recap

The Horror. The Horror

Blood And Goats - The fun and games are over, people. No more babysitting. No more penis pumps. No more bickering barbecues. The kids are still in Africa...and Africa is pissed.

09.10.2000
09.10.2000
D

Stee

9-12
Recap

Eat Them!

Stranger In A Strange Land - Mandatory shot of airplane flying through sky to denote passage of space and time. Shot of South Africa from above. Shots of smiling Africans on random streets. Theo tells the camera that he thinks they're in South Africa, "but [he's] pretty sure it's not Tokyo."

09.03.2000
09.03.2000

Stee

9-11
Recap

Urine The Money

2 Negative Atmosphere - The kids arrive at a harbor where they meet Mehgan, the new Mission Mayor. She egomaniacally introduces herself as holding the United States Free-Diving Record, "at one-hundred-sixty-five" feet.

08.27.2000
08.27.2000

Stee

9-10
Recap

James And The Giant Truck

A Square In A Social Circle - Crazy shaky-cam shot of the Shasta driving in what looks like the Southwest with high desert red rocks, as Theo says something about it being "God's country." Someone else says it's a "long trip," and I think we've now gone back to the trip a few episodes ago that we skipped from Utah to the South.

08.20.2000
08.20.2000

Stee

9-9
Recap

My Momma Told Me

Theo Takes A Leap - The kids read that they have to head to an auditorium at Emory University. That's Atlanta, right? How wrong is it that we have to fucking gather clues and Columbo together where the hell this stupid show is taking place each week?

08.13.2000
08.13.2000

Stee

9-8
Recap

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The "Dude"s

My Louisiana - So in the one semi-seamless edit so far (Huzzah, boys!), we're suddenly in a restaurant, with the six eating and Theo continuing to talk about how his relationship with his mom is strained and how though she now says, "I love you," he doesn't feel that he really learned that from her.

08.06.2000
08.06.2000

Stee

9-7
Recap

The Redneck Inquisition

Swimming In Sex - Kathryn talks to boyfriend Reed on the payphone again, saying, "I think I'm going to be leaving the show. It's just, like, all gone downhill." She's the one who went downhill. Down Mount Laterrian.

07.30.2000
07.30.2000

Stee

9-6
Recap

Smokin' (Laterrian) In The Boys' Room

Love, Lust And Lies - Laterrian and Kathryn flirt and then go into the restaurant bathroom together. Kathryn tells Reed and Laterrian during her big bullshit couch talk that if the "key players" of a supposed hook-up say nothing happened, then nothing happened.

07.23.2000
07.23.2000

Stee

9-5
Recap

Every Henhouse, Doghouse, and Outhouse

Fugitives Of Love - "James," says the Bloated One. "Remember when you and your frat buddies stole that statue? How did it feel, to be hunted by the cops in the dead of night? Were you scared, or did it give you a little thrill...?"

07.16.2000
07.16.2000

Stee

9-4
Recap

Get Out Of My Dreams (Get Into My Shasta)

Mission Impossible: Get Shorty - "What are we doing against the rules at the Make-A-Wish Foundation?"

07.09.2000
07.09.2000

Stee

9-3
Recap

Snow Holly and the Seven Tantrums

Frosty Face Off, Part II - Over shots of the twelve kids milling about the ski resort, looking glum and depressed that their lives have come to this, James attempts to stir up some drama by babbling about the tension of competition, how you can feel it in the air, and how "some people are meant for it and some people aren't."

07.02.2000
07.02.2000

Stee

9-2
Recap

The Holly That Rocks The Shasta

Frosty Face Off, Part I - Floaty Kathryn helpfully reminds us that MTV.COM has brought in six contest winners with incorrectly spelled names (Neel, Kelli, Valeri, Shanta, Erik, and Toby) to "take [their] money" in an assortment of winter events. A bunch of kids fall on the slopes.

06.25.2000
06.25.2000

Stee

9-1
Recap

The Maximum Stupidity Tour

Walking On The Wind - Ah, a new season of Road Rules. The danger. The drama. The poor editing, lame missions, and numerous examples of why our generation is regarded as materialistic, self-obsessed, and annoying.

06.18.2000
06.18.2000

Stee

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