I warned you people last week. This is Episode Three. You're tuning in. That makes you, officially, a Road Rules watcher. I hope your friends tease you mercilessly, then don't invite you to their party this Friday night and you miss meeting the one person that would have made you happy for the rest of your life. See. All because you couldn't help watching Road Rules. Aren't you ashamed?

Previously...Kendal showed the boys a photo of her dad, taken two years before he died. When did we see that? Oh, yeah. Never. Now Sarah and Darrell once again fall from the dorm-to-dorm ropes. Sarah says she doesn't want to go back to Colorado if (when) she (very shortly) gets booted off (pack your bags). She then tells us that she doesn't want to be voted off and/because/but/if she has no "athleticism" going for her, at all. Darrell then tells us contradictorily that he doesn't think the kids want to give Sarah the boot but, again, and/because/but/if "only the strong survive." (Context is not the Crack B/M Editing Staff's forte in editing together sound bites, obviously.)

Opening. The Worst Song Not Written By City High plays as we meet the kids and see the blueprints and the clips and the logo and "Campus Crawl" and fuck off!

Night. RV. The kids sit around waiting for their NEXTEL DIRECT CONNECT clue they get on their NEXTEL PHONE. Is it wrong to say that I miss the Road Master? Well, I do. In all his bad acting glory. Someone should find him, whatever Dinner Theatre he's doing The Mystery of Edwin Drood at, and ask him to come back. I'm pretty sure he works cheap. Anyway, the clue talks about figuring out what they're made of and showing up tomorrow at the Citadel Military Academy in South Carolina. The kids cheer, half-mocking, but then sadly, also, some of them genuinely happy. Sarah tells us that they're taken aback when they get their NEXTEL DIRECT CONNECT clue because Eric and Rachel have been "dreaming" of going to the Citadel. (Oh, I bet Eric has....) Sarah adds that it's a top, tough military academy and she can't figure out why they want to go. Now Kendal camera-talks that it reminds her of her dad because one of the only things she knew about him was that he was in the Army. My dad was in the Army, too, but oddly, this news of the Citadel mission just makes me remember how lame this show is. Sarah says she's not happy about this "at all." Sarah, aside from Competitive Sitting Around Smoking, what mission would make you happy? That's what I thought.

Thom Yorke's eye rolls in its socket as they play Radiohead to transition into the next segment.