Road Rules
Slaps And Failure

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Or Not To Bee

You know those days when nothing is really wrong and yet everything is just wrong? Yeah. Well, be warned. I'm having one of those days. And just a hint for all of you out there: when you're having one of those days, don't watch Road Rules. It only makes things worse. Much worse. Feh. Let's get started.

Previously. Pole standing. College kids threw rotten food at The Six of Suck. Sarah fainted. Kendal really thought Sarah was going to make it through this one. Ha. Yeah, right. At a club, Rachel yelled drunkenly at Darrell for talking to another woman, and then ran up and told the woman Darrell's taken. Rachel threw her arm around Darrell and gave the girl the sorta-lesbian stink-eye. Shane camera-tools that they have a "connection" -- my most hated word.

Crap song. Crap credits. Crap photos of crap kids. Crap clips of crap missions. Crap crap crappity. Over.

Day. Top of RV. Huh. Sarah and Kendal sunbathe in bikinis. Not the worst way to start the show. Kendal tells us all sanctimoniously that Sarah is separating herself from the group, but that she's not going to turn her back on Sarah. Kendal says that there is so much she wants to "help" Sarah with. Hee. Yeah, like your life is so "together." If you really want to help Sarah, tell her parents to stop disowning her. Kendal tells Sarah -- speaking about her in the third person -- that Kendal needs to feel like Sarah wants to be there. Sarah -- full of snot even in the bright sun -- says that she does want to be there and wants to find something where she can be valuable to the group. She says she feels like she's serving no decent purpose. Of course she's serving a purpose: she's being the scapegoat loser. That's a very valuable position to hold. Sarah then camera-talks that she didn't try to alienate herself, but that it just happened. Then Kendal whines that Sarah is her friend, and Sarah laughs uncomfortably loud, then wipes the spit that just flew out of her mouth off her own face. The camera backs out a little to show more of Sarah's body, and like a bad Arabian movie, the cameltoe comes marching into frame. I'm too distracted to listen to Kendal saying she'd give it all up to keep Sarah there, and then quickly the cameraman realizes children may be watching and may be scared or concerned about the sheer degree of cameltoe on display, and frames back up, tighter on Sarah's torso. Thanks. Uh, now what were you girls saying? Sarah laughs that she keeps Amaya-ing it up out there, and Kendal -- hitting the top of the RV for emphasis -- says how much she wants them all to make it through the next mission. Sarah cackles that she wants it, too, and wants to stop being a big loser. Well, I want to be able to fly, but I don't think it's going to happen any time soon.

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Road Rules




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