Road Rules
Slaps And Failure

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Or Not To Bee

The kids stand by a covered fish tank. James removes the cover. There are bees and big spiders inside. Six pledge pins are at the bottom. Quick shot of Season Four with bees. This is "Pledge Pin Retrieval." They each have to stick their hands in the top hole while a partner verbally guides them where to put their hand to find the pledge pin. James says that the bees do sting and the spiders bite. Okay, this I would not want to do, but it's still pretty lame. Kendal camera-talks and tries to scare us.

Rachel goes. Easy. Eric next. Easy. Sarah. She shakes the bees off the pin. Kendal, spouting such bullshit, tells us, "Wow. This is a whole new Sarah." One mission she doesn't cry and bow out of? Fuck off. Kendal and Sarah hug. Shane says bees are cool. He reaches in with no help...and gets stung. Hee. Now Sarah helps him and he gets it. Darrell is next. Easy. This mission sucks balls. Kendal is next. She's scared. Everyone tells her to breathe. B/M so paid Kendal ten bucks to try to put some tension into this mission. Now Sarah voice-overs that this is the first mission in which Kendal feels like the weak link. (Shut up with that. Please.) Sarah says she's lending Kendal "loads of support," because if her lame ass can do it, Kendal can. Well, you have a point, Sarah. Shane asks Kendal to hurry before they get too riled, and Kendal says she needs time before she sticks her hand into a tank of things that sting and bite. Kendal looks like she's going to cry. Shane camera-talks about not wanting to lose a team member or his prizes. Kendal stops, saying she's forgetting to breathe. She backs away from the tank. Gets her ten bucks from a B/M employee. Anne Rice calls, wanting them out of her city immediately. Commercials.

Here is the best commercial I've ever heard. This is from our cable company, Adelphia. "As you know, Adelphia has recently embarked on a reorganization process..." Fantastic! How wonderful that they can look on the bright side of things and spin "we've filed for bankruptcy and our founder and CEO was hauled off to jail for defrauding the company of millions of dollars" into "a reorganization process." It makes me proud to be an American. Mystikal isn't being charged with rape, by the way. He's embarking on a career redefinition process. And Robert Blake didn't kill his wife. He implemented a program of spousal heart rate deceleration.

Back. Kendal is sorry. Rachel tells her to visualize where the pin is in the tank. Someone says the bees will fall off as Darrell tells her, "You're going to touch something." Thanks, Darrell. Very helpful. All five of them are talking at the same time as she sticks her hand in. (Heh.) Rachel keeps babbling about visualization as Darrell guides her. She gets the pin and drops it like it's a penis that just spit at her, and then suddenly she's camera-talking about no longer being a pledge but a member of, oh fuck off. Sarah then tells us she's very proud of herself and she's going to "carry at torch" for New Orleans.

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Road Rules




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