Okay, so week two, and Im back. I didnt jump out the window or beg UPN to bring back Chains of Love. I think Ill be able to handle this. I think were all going to be okay. I think oh, no. I just saw the beginning of Previously on and my leg started twitching. That cant be good.
Previously on Road Rules" everyone arrived. Hugged. The kids float and explain that this year is different and someone will get the boot if they fail missions. Ladder hanging. Jisela falls. She cries. She ruins everything. Adam and Ellen lie in bed and cuddle and then yell that theyre not doing everything. That was not from last week. It must be from the week I missed. Oh yeah, there has only been one week. Fuck B/M. Then the kids all walk. This is reality television at its finest, folks.
Jesus! Then we get Tonight, on Road Rules Just start the goddamn episode already and get this half hour (its only half an hour this week!) over with already. The kids stand in front of some dudes who lift tambourines to reveal cobras. They will be snake charming as their mission. Adam is scared of snakes. He screams and runs away, voice-overing that hes worried about getting kicked off the show. Im not. Boot me!
Okay, so we get the opening credits, finally, which start with a voice-over about how they have to eliminate a team member if they fail two missions. The visuals begin, and I guess the look of the show this year is sand and weird little geographic line and square and target graphics, with a bunch of Requiem For A Dream film tricks with the film stretching and going to a different grain for exciting shots. Right on. I feel you, B/M. We see the Six of Suck while there are shots of various missions, like water wrestling and the ladder of helicopter and sky diving and snake charming and something that looks just like twirling your partner around on your back. There is skinny-dipping and boot-camp stuff and crying and the desert and the put-together crest (of Quest for the Crest fame), and thats it. Ill say it again I miss the Road Masters bloated hack-actor face. And also, hey, lets take bets now whether or not things will also be different next season. Ten bucks says yes.