Road Rules
Swimming In Sex

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The Redneck Inquisition

Our first floaty of the evening (can that be true?) is Holly, who regrettably now has the Red Star of Death on her cheek, which means she's literally days away from death. Poor Holly. Anyway, floaty dying Holly says that Kathryn is in a bad mood because of the whole Laterrian situation. Laterrian goes floaty and says, "Like, there's just something about a shrieky voice of a girl who has no athleticism and is trying to tell me about mine, that kinda gets on my nerves." Hee. B/M shows us more shots of both teams practicing, manipulating it to seem that the Playboy girls are doing great while our kids are a mess. James takes Laterrian aside and tells him to ignore Kathryn's bitching and just concentrate on the task. James' advice centers around the words "dude," "smile," and "relax," which, come to think of it, is pretty much the entirety of James' vocabulary. Man, he really shot his wad on that cheer-up session. Floaty James then expands the vocab somewhat when he explains that the team is tense; he thinks it's an "ambush" and that the Playmates are going to win. I hate to break it to him, but a desire to put your vagina on display does not necessarily translate into athletic ability. The two teams put on their suits and head into the water to practice. (We see that the Speedos have the boys' names written incorrectly on the butt.) Random shots of bad Synchronized Swimming practice. Cheering. Splashing. B/M spends a few dollars on an underwater camera. It doesn't make things look any more exciting. In the water, Kathryn and Laterrian get into a fight about staying in a line or something, during which I can make out about three words. Kathryn is doing the white-girl neck shake as she scolds Laterrian and, man, I don't advocate violence against women, but he should probably make like Stephen and Irene her ass. (The Real World: Seattle reference there, by the way.) We get a shot of the ho team watching the fight and smiling. The tension and yelling reminds them all of their upbringing. Theo voice-overs nonsense about people hiding things and not facing up to it and blah blah blah everyone should admit who they kiss and how because it effects me so much and I'm a nosy hick and you ain't seen nothing yet and why don't you go to commercial finally. So we do. Finally.

Whoa. There's a very creepy commercial for an already creepy K-Mart brand of jeans called Route 66. But this commercial features the kids! Our beloved Kids! The kids get in an elevator and Holly tells the elevator man, "Route 66, please." All Scaryteeth and shit. And they run off the elevator, whooping, and Holly grabs the elevator geek, who is suddenly transformed into…well, still a geek, but now a geek with sunglasses and mousse in his hair. Running. Jumping. Smiling. Hello Theo, all up in the camera. They get on the Shasta. Ew. Creepy. I'm almost looking forward to the show starting again…I said "almost."

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Road Rules

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