Road Rules
The Naked Truth

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Yes-He's-Gay

I had a meeting yesterday with someone who used to be loosely affiliated with B/M, and in the corner of his office, he had a B/M stool (which just sounds so dirty). Actually, it was more like a chair because it had a back, but it was made of canvas, sort of like a director's chair. The logo was there, along with the logos for Road Rules and The Real World. What struck me about it was that it only had three legs. And I thought, how perfect. A three-legged chair sums up the entire B/M vibe so well: half-assed, unfinished, and still, somehow sort of cute.

"Previously..." Shane and Sarah got on the First Day Bus of Your Ticking Fifteen Minutes as Shane tells us that he didn't want to be known as "the gay one." Immediately, the kids asked if he's gay. Well, that didn't work out so well. He tried to backpedal and tell them it's not that clear-cut with him, but his gold sequined hot pants kept getting stuck in the chain. Cut to: Kendal saying, "He's gay." We see Shane dancing with girls and then kissing a girl, as Kendal adds that Shane says he's gay but she's only seen him make out with girls. Yeah, that's right. You can't pin Shane down. (Even though you'd like to, Eric.)

Credits. If you haven't seen them, just take your most amateurish home video of, like, your nephew playing on a swing set, and then find the worst rap song you can find and lay it over the video, and there you have the credit sequence.

Night. Moon. Shane on a pay phone. Shane is talking to his dad, while he tells us that his parents just found out that he is gay (well, you just told them, but I can imagine they had to have had an idea), and they're all trying to figure this thing out together. Shane tells his mom that he came out to the cast the first day. He adds that change is "never good" and that it's always scary. So is this show. Shane cry-talks to his parents for a little bit longer, and then hangs up.

RV. The kids make fun of Shane. Sarah is saying that Shane is totally gay during the day, but by night he is a "flaming heterosexual." The kids laugh. "What the hell are you?" says Sarah. Kendal says that the RV is filled with six sexually confused people. Darrell pipes up that he's not sexually confused. No, he's just confused. Notice, tellingly, that Eric says nothing here. Hee. Darrell then camera-bigots, boasting that he hasn't changed at all -- that he still won't be friends with Shane when the show is over, because he doesn't have gay friends. "That's just me," he says.

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Road Rules

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