Road Rules
The Woodie Crawl

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What Bright Side?

Night. The RV drives. Rachel can't keep her yap shut, so she tells Sarah that she's not getting it and she's digging herself a hole deeper and deeper. Sarah whines that she has a lot of trust issues and isn't used to the group thing. Kendal says she isn't either, and Sarah counters that Kendal's in a sorority. Kendal bitches back that Sarah shouldn't assume so much about her. Kendal says that they haven't talked, because right away Sarah said that she didn't like girls. Sarah says, "Because...I don't." Hee. Sarah has this really lazy, mushmouthed, whiny way of talking that really annoys me. They talk some about that until Sarah starts crying that she doesn't want to hurt anyone from day one, and she obviously already did. Rachel camera-talks that Sarah needs to "step up her socialness." Hee. You just made that word up, you. Sarah bitches on about trust and now cries about her, yeah, family, and how they don't know her and they've known her for "seventeen years." What? They met her when she was two? She continues that she's only known these clowns for three "fucking" days, so forgive her. Now Sarah camera-talks that her parents don't like her. They have communication problems (what parents don't?), and they don't like her because they don't know her because they don't talk because poor me poor me poor me. Sarah now says "eighteen years" of bad relationships (man, this girl needs to figure out how long she's been alive) came to a head and her parents hated her when she came back from college and they cut her off financially. Now Sarah goes into crying, I-have-the-worst- home-life-so-I- deserve-to-be- however-I-want-to mode and says that she's not used to this and it's totally fucking culture shock and she's not used to living with five strangers (repeat, stupid: "none of us is") and they're going to have to give her some time and her parents fucked up. She's then adds a self-righteous "So maybe you guys don't know what that's like...I don't know." Man, when is the tribe going to speak? Now the kids camera-talk that they now understand Sarah and bleh blah bleh.

Morning. The boys psych themselves up and then they get a message on their MOTOROLA NEXTEL cell phone that the University of South Carolina Gamecocks (heeeeeeeeee!) would like to show them some Southern hospitality. Shane then repeats the word "Gamecock" with a straight face. Man, the puns are coming fast and furious; I said "straight face"! The kids go into a tavern and get a free meal and they chow down. Chow Down Montage. More eating. Then they're stuffed. Then the new Mission Mayors, Ron and Manasi come by and say they hope they saved room for dessert. Fuck off, Mayors. Don't you have a pothole to fix or something?

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Road Rules

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