Road Rules
Theo Takes A Leap

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My Momma Told Me

As the parents walk into the "dungeon" and enjoy fresh coffee and muffins like in most dungeons, the G of S dubs this segment, "A Big Challenge." Staying awake right now is a big challenge, yo. Parents talk uncomfortably. Holly's mom tries to talk to MamaTheo about how this must be a (get it?) "big challenge," since they've been estranged for so long. MamaTheo mumbles something in reply, and I really feel bad for her -- and not only because she has Theo for a son. "It's far worse than anything I'd ever imagined," cracks DaddyMsaada, breaking the uncomfortable silence. The parents are sent back out to the stage and we get another shot of the tally board, full of stars. Another thing I don't understand is that with obviously other questions having been asked, those last three were the best of the lot?! Anyway, back to the "game." "In their younger years, what nickname did you have for your child?" "Holly ho-ho," says MamaHolly. Exactly. Man, was there ever a truer nickname? Holly doesn't match, in case you're keeping score at home…which would not only be impossible, but truly pathetic. Laterrian matches with "John Henry." Theo's mom says, "I just said 'Theo.'" Ooooh. That's so sad. What's sadder is that Theo guesses "Teddy." Mommy doesn't remember your nickname, Theo. James's mom talks about a fishing technique that lead James to be called "The Whacker." James is psyched that they matched! "What is your child's greatest fear?" "Failure," matches DaddyMsaada. Holly is afraid of the dark. James is afraid of failure, as is Laterrian. Kathryn, flying. So everyone matches, except for Theo. Theo's mom guesses "not being famous," while Theo answers, "being alone." Ow. That is kinda sad…as the poignant music and Theo close-up informs us.

MayorSteve announces the end of the game by saying, "I'd love to say we're done…" Yeah, me too, Steve. He goes on to say that there is one more "piece of this puzzle," for which they have to go to another location. What "puzzle"? This isn't a puzzle. Stupid-ass. As they all leave, we see that they now have four points. Why? I haven't a clue.

Theo floats that he's not sure if he's ready to try to repair his mama relationship at this point. He goes on to say that James recently told him to "sack up" and do it. We get a black-and-white, for some reason, flashback in the Shasta as James waxes stupid at Theo about how he used to fight with his brother but now gets along with him. He says this all proudly, as if this isn't exactly how sibling relationships naturally work. James thinks he's the Oprah of the Shasta alla sudden. I refuse to repeat the inane advice James spouts about not holding onto anger, etc. It's just that profound. Theo floats that he doesn't know how he feels. The kids walk onto a big field where a crane is set up. MayorSteve announces that the kids are going to bungee, but with a twist: "You gotta get your parent to jump with you." Slo-mo shot of MamaTheo looking nervous. Something else about how they'll get a token for each team that jumps, giving them a possible total of ten. Sure. Whatever. DaddyMsaada says, "Jumping off of a tower, a hundred feet, as an adult, is not an intelligent thing to do." He's funny. Kathryn embarrasses her mom by admitting to the world on mom's behalf that she has a "loose bladder." "But it's worth a thousand bucks," Kathryn adds. "So's my life," quips MamaJames. "It couldn't be that hard," says Theo to his mom, as he then voice-overs that he doesn't think his mom's going to jump. MamaTheo says something about a slipped disc. Theo is a slipped disc. MamaTheo looking nervous. Slo-mo nervous. Biting fingernails nervous. Glancing nervously. Dramatic music. Commercial. Thank the Lord.

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Road Rules

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