Road Rules
Theo Takes A Leap

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My Momma Told Me

Does anybody hope that this 2GE+HER show fails as miserably as I do? It's insidious to me that MTV sucks the dicks of these boy bands, and then turns around and makes fun of them, and badly. Ooh, there's Holly. "Sixty-six please." All Scaryteeth. Is it wrong that I like to turn the sound down and imagine she's saying, "Sixty-nine please"? It is? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Back to the bungee field, where the parents slowly announce they'll do the jump. Theo is still trying to convince his mama, pulling the God card. "Just let God just take you down." God or, you know, gravity. Either one. Theo's mom is worried about her back. "It's just the jerk on the disc." Heh: she said "jerk." Man, I swear the B/M editing staff needs to chill with all the multi-screens. For no reason! They don't help. They don't make things visually interesting. They in fact just cause headaches. Kathryn tries to assure MamaTheo that they would tell her honestly if it's going to hurt her back. MamaTheo looks away, reeling from the foul stench of sin coming off the deceptively sweet-looking Kathryn. MamaLaterrian tells the camera that she is nervous. and Laterrian makes her hold out her shaking hand and laughs. MamaTheo looks straight into the camera and says, "I usually don't get any higher than a six-foot ladder without getting nauseated and passing out. So those are concerns." Wow. I see where Theo gets his gift of gab. MamaTheo really is a trippy trippy lady. She's kinda funny, in a very Theo sort of totally unfunny way.

So MayorSteve announces that it's time. and the first team, Rosemary and James, get on the lift. "Aw Jim, I don't want to do this," says MamaJames, tripping out. For some reason James is wearing a nametag that reads, "Msaada." Will the visual enigmas in this show ever stop? So James, who remember was supposedly so afraid of heights in the first episode, is now trying to calm his mother, who keeps saying how much she does not want to do this. The lift keeps raising and we see that they are strapped together, so that mother and son will plummet to the earth a mere inches apart. It's kinda creepy, when you think about it. Rosemary keeps swearing and nearly crying and telling James to "shut up." At the top, she makes "Jim" wait and not leave until she's ready. She's really terrified, but she goes and they drop backwards, almost immediately being yanked back up by the cord. The kids get one more point. James goes floaty: "Your mother, your first eighteen years, holds you and kinda tells you that it's going to be okay. And then, this is one of the first times I remember myself holding my mom and, you know, she being scared and me being brave and, uh, telling her it's going to be all right." This is kind of sweet, and it is also the most words in a row James has ever gotten out without a single "dude." You know the "dude" count is going to be way low with the parents around. After the jump, James's mom says she's glad she got the chance to jump with her son. "Making a memory…that's what life is all about." For the last nine weeks, I've been making a memory, of this show. A memory that will no doubt haunt me for the rest of my days. I can imagine running into Theo or James in a Starbucks one day and just decking them for the hours of misery. And would you really blame me?

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Road Rules




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