Road Rules
Unfair Warfare

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Saving Private Steven

They cross the "border," and Sophia explains that there has been fighting and explosions and the people need their help. Another army dude babbles to them, but they don't listen. They arrive at the refugee camp for "Phase 1: Medical Assistance," and I love these training things because of all the bad actors who scream with blood on them pretending to be injured. Man, it's funny. The kids are running around and pouring shit on "wounds" as the injured pretend to cry and scream and it's good, good television. Blair voice-overs that it's pandemonium and there is more bad acting than an episode of Emeril and Bam! we're in commercials.

The chaos continues as Adam voice-overs that a bomb went off in the camp and everyone is yelling for you to help their brother or sister or friend and they have to manage their supplies carefully and make sure they can help everyone. Steve camera-talks that they've had serious injuries and amputations and breaks and they have to make decisions and be able to differentiate between something. The bad acting continues to crack me up as our kids put blankets on the bad actors and someone yells that they need to go get more supplies from some other village and they jump into truck, leaving the bad actors to badly die in their fake blood. As the kids sit in the truck waiting to go, a military guy explains that in this village there is a known "cell," and they have to be very careful. They drive off, and three girls run after the trucks, all, "Don't leave us!" and shit. Hee. Sophia floats that everyone handled themselves very well and teamwork and the injured and everyone is good.

Recoh Village. Ellen is picking her nose as a guy tells them to get into this little hut and grab supplies. They have forces here to protect them (men with guns), but they need to be careful and hurry. This is "Phase 2: Retrieve Supplies." The kids carry boxes down to the Hummers as Blair voice-overs some bullshit about teamwork. Ellen camera-talks that they don't have much time and need to hurry. Sounds of bombs and firing start as Ellen hits the ground. Ellen tells the camera they have to go. They have to get all the boxes, and soldiers are running around firing and one of their medics is "hit" and he falls and grabs his leg and they have to run and get the guy and get supplies and the chaos continues and Steve voice-overs that he doesn't have to be the hero and he keeps loading supplies as Adam or someone crawls through the mud to get some other fallen medic. Steve's dad is going to be so ashamed of his son. Ellen voice-overs that Steve "messed up" yesterday, but he's doing "awesome" today. Bitch. More running and firing and loading and Adam and Blair run and help a dummy (dummies helping dummies) and they bring him back to the truck and everyone gets in and firing and the horn goes off and the truck leaves. Steve floats that sometimes there doesn't need to be a leader and that this was a great piece of teamwork. Well, it was a piece of something. The worst part is how much Steve hates saying this shit that B/M makes him say, because all he wants to do is lead. And dance. He wants to dance his ass off.

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Road Rules

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