Rock of Love
Bikini Day Care

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Children of the Scorn

They ride up to a prepared lunch of chicken fingers. Bret tells Ashley that she's a superstar, and admits in an interview that he's fallen pretty hard for her. He likes the way she looks and the way she is, especially away from the other girls. To wit, Bret mentions that some of the other girls tend to drag Ashley to places where she doesn't necessarily want to go. He of course means Farrah, who drags Ashley to the place of lesbian fun times. Ashley realizes this, and does not like Bret speaking ill of her friend. She interviews that she loves Farrah, and anything negative that someone says about her actually hurts Ashley's feelings too. Female solidarity! Ashley and Farrah would totally make a more interesting couple than Ashley and Bret. In fact, Farrah is sort of Bret-esque, but with better boobs. Bret interviews that he has to get Ashley away from her BFF Farrah, because he likes the "real Ashley," which is the Farrah-free Ashley who only likes lesbian action when he's watching.

Meanwhile, Taya goes to talk to Bret on his bus about the salsa incident. Bret interviews that though Taya came on strong at the beginning of the tour, he's starting to feel a bit of a disconnect with her. He's attracted to Taya, he says, but could give a rat about all the drama. Taya tells him that she has a lot of stuff that she's putting off back home, and in fact her boss would like her to get kicked off early so they can, like, wax her puss again and put her in an ad for Valtrex. Taya interviews that she's proud of what she's accomplished with Penthouse, but it has nothing to do with why she's on the show. She's incensed that Farrah and Ashley run around with all their lady parts hanging out but no one acknowledges the dirty truth that what they're actually doing is promoting the stripping profession. And the way Brittanya's been promoting lobotomies is just shameless, too. Bret tells Taya that it's hot to him that she was in Penthouse, but if he ever found out that that was the only reason she was there, he'd boot her all the way back to page 32. He interviews that lately Taya has spent more time promoting than talking to him. I would watch Taya saunter around in all the Penthouse scarves in the world if it meant I didn't have to have a conversation with her.

Big John summons Farrah to the workout room for a heart to heart with Bret, who is obviously promoting hotel fitness rooms. Bret tells Farrah that he loves how she's hot and always funny, but he wants to be careful that they don't step into the dreaded "friendship zone." Because who wants to be friends with Bret Michaels? Farrah interviews, "Ah, french toast." Boy, do I love her. Farrah tells Bret that she thinks you have to be somebody's friend to have a relationship with them. She wants to get to know a person she's going to date and see if they have things in common, because if they don't it's not going to work. Well, she and Bret both like women. That's one thing. Farrah interviews that she's forward and outgoing, but it's different when she wants to date a guy, and she's not going to change who she is. Despite all appearances, I think that Farrah is totally not a whore! See, she has layers, too.

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Rock of Love

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