Bret pulls the ring out of his pocket and says that he hopes that his search is over. Maybe the blind guy on American Idol was singing right to Bret last week, for inspiration? Bret tells Mindy that she began the tour as a shy innocent who was looking for adventure. Some of the other girls thought they could walk all over Mindy, but she able handled having salsa poured in her luggage. She and Bret went to Texas together, and that's when a connection was forged. Taya interviews that if Bret picks Mindy it won't last and he'll regret his decision down the line. The downside about Mindy, of course, is that she tends to get in mad funks, which could possibly be relationship-ending funks. Mindy interviews, "When you are certain about something and sure that your heart is safe there are no funks because it's a sense of calm that comes over you and you don't have funks anymore because you feel safe." What is she, Rain Man all of a sudden? Taya, says Bret, is a whole different story. She caught his attention immediately with her hot body, but a hot body isn't enough. For a while it is. Mindy tells us that if Bret goes home with Taya it will be a mistake, because once he spends some time with her he'll realize how annoying she actually is. What Bret doesn't appreciate about Taya is that she didn't come forward with the truth, which brought up a really painful memory and experience from his past. The hell? Did Bret have his wig ripped off by a Penthouse Pet who was in reality way older than 29? Or does this have to do with that chick who inspired "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" AGAIN, like, go to therapy motherfucker. Whatever happened, it might be too big for Bret to overcome. He still has 1% that's not sure about Taya.
Bret calls Mindy to him. Mindy interviews that she's so excited, like she's in a dream. Bret tells Mindy that, as they drove through the gator swamp together, they had absolute love and closeness. As Bret hugs Mindy, Taya looks on unable to hear anything because of the crazy wind. Maybe someone will get struck by lightning right now. Bret tells Mindy that he loves everything about her, but the ring is not for her. He hopes that the two of them will remain close. Bret hugs Mindy and thanks her for being there. He tells her that he hopes she finds everything she wants. Mindy then interviews, "Spare me. What I needed was to find somebody that was going to keep my heart in a safe place, and instead I got somebody that ran over it with a tour bus every single day. I just kept thinking, spare me the small talk. I don't think he's who I thought he was. He's a standard jerk in a rock star uniform, and you can find an asshole like that anywhere." Truer words. If I was her speechwriter, though, I'd have edited it to, "He's a standard jerk in a bad wig." Sorry, Mindy, that your prophesy about always losing in the game of love came true.