Meanwhile, Taya gets her Bret Mail. She's still in a funk about Mindy's date. Mindy interviews, "I don't want to seem arrogant, like, oh I'm better, why would you even want that piece of garbage? But it's really what I think." And Bret claims that Mindy doesn't verbalize what she's thinking! Bret meets Taya and is astounded at her hotness. The two of them head off on an adventure, which entails traveling on a rocky road to the middle of nowhere. Taya says that she's concerned because she's not dressed appropriately. Can you think of one moment when Taya WAS dressed appropriately? Turns out Bret and Taya are going on a zipline adventure through the Dominican jungle. Bret assures us that flying seven stories over impending doom in nothing more than a harness is hot. As he gets strapped into his harness, Bret says that his package has been severed. If it survived Daisy, I'm sure it's indestructible. This is Taya and Bret's first time ziplining, and Taya is scared. She's freaking out, but Bret tells her that it's going to be awesome. He interviews that there can't be much better than seeing a hot babe ride a long cable at high speed. That's gross, but not as gross as seeing Bret kiss Taya before she takes off. The FCC should issue a penalty for Bret Michaels tongue exposure.
In any case, Taya loves ziplining, Bret loves ziplining, Taya thinks Bret's hot, Bret thinks Taya's hot. Taya feels like she just stepped out of a movie -- Tarzan and Jane to be exact. A slow-motion shot of the two of them making out does highlight some simian qualities. Ugh! The tongue! The tongue! The date continues as Bret and Taya head to dinner. Bret's having a great time, but also has a few things he'd like to sort out. He tells Taya that the two of them have a lot of fun together, and there are a lot of things about her that he likes. But he has some questions that he's been putting on hold. 99% of Bret is totally digging Taya, but 1% of him is holding back because he wonders if she's using the show solely as a promotional tool. We are reminded that Taya is a Penthouse Pet, and also Pet of the Year, and also a stripper-basher who happens to be a "feature dancer," and also a surprisingly good vocalist. It's like one big long advertisement, Bret says. We get a montage of Taya saying, "Penthouse," and Bret wonders what's next -- Taya wearing a shirt with Penthouse across her breasts? In fact, yes. Taya says that sure she could be full of shit, but she could also NOT be full of shit and wouldn't Bret be sad if that happened to be the case? Taya interviews that just because she seems too good to be true, it doesn't mean that she actually is too good to be true. Bret suggests that the two of them get dinner to go and head to his room to talk. Taya tells us that the conversation has gotten very serious, and it's eliciting feelings akin to pregnancy plus menopause plus the worst PMS ever all combined into one. I know I'm really turned on right now. How about you?