Bret calls Mindy to him. Mindy interviews that she's so excited, like she's in a dream. Bret tells Mindy that, as they drove through the gator swamp together, they had absolute love and closeness. As Bret hugs Mindy, Taya looks on unable to hear anything because of the crazy wind. Maybe someone will get struck by lightning right now. Bret tells Mindy that he loves everything about her, but the ring is not for her. He hopes that the two of them will remain close. Bret hugs Mindy and thanks her for being there. He tells her that he hopes she finds everything she wants. Mindy then interviews, "Spare me. What I needed was to find somebody that was going to keep my heart in a safe place, and instead I got somebody that ran over it with a tour bus every single day. I just kept thinking, spare me the small talk. I don't think he's who I thought he was. He's a standard jerk in a rock star uniform, and you can find an asshole like that anywhere." Truer words. If I was her speechwriter, though, I'd have edited it to, "He's a standard jerk in a bad wig." Sorry, Mindy, that your prophesy about always losing in the game of love came true.
Meanwhile, Taya sees Mindy walking away and it hits her: she is Bret's Rock of Love...III. She says that she almost had to subconsciously smack herself in the face. I know a few people who would volunteer to do that consciously. Bret tells Taya that, at some point earlier, he wasn't sure that either she or Mindy was his rock of love. But then it dawned on him that Taya was the best of both worlds. She's a small-town girl that's hot, a beautiful mom, a rocking hot centerfold. Bret still has the 99%/1% split. So he's going to hang on to the ring for now. Shocker. If they stand the test of time, he'll give the ring to her at a later date. Taya's cool with this, because she doesn't want to get involved in any kind of Darva Conger shit. Taya interviews that she might not have been the safe choice, but she was the right choice. Sadly, that's probably true. Taya's once upon a time starts now. Bret tells us that he just spent 12 weeks on the road dating 23 girls, all to end up with a Penthouse Pet. "Now who saw that one coming?," he asks. With that we're out and can only hope that someone gets a punch in the throat at the reunion show so we can go out on a high note.
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If there were another season, what would unfold? Our vlogger has some theories.