Rock of Love

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Bret's Rock of Love

Previously: Bret had a lot of skanks to choose from. Skanks wrasslin' pigs. Skanks in mud. Ambre was spared from elimination on the first show by stripper Jackie's voluntary exit, then impressed Bret with her kissing skills. Daisy...was Daisy. Bret wanted to bang her louder and harder than the Liberty Bell. And did. On the minus side, Bret wondered if Ambre was really there for him or was just getting carried away with her competitive spirit, and then wondered if Daisy shared more than eyeliner with her live-in ex-boyfriend Charles. This latter point was the cause of much controversy amongst the remaining skanks, which resulted in a verbal lashing and lots of drink throwing at Daisy's factory-sealed head. Destiney showed eleventh hour good sense and thus got the boot, which left Daisy and Ambre as our final two. That Bret Michaels is one lucky man.

We begin after last week's elimination, with Bret congratulating Ambre and Daisy for being the final two and announcing that they're all going to Cancun. Ambre says this all seems like a dream. When Ambre sees the Oprah where Dr. Oz talks about night terrors, something is totally going to click into place for her. Daisy adjusts her boobs. The three of them and Big John crack a Bret's Brew, and the girls head off to pack.

Bret and his lovely ladies board a private jet to Mexico. Oh, Bret and his chlamydia-infested carbon footprint. They land in Cancun, where Bret will doubtlessly hook up with some wayward Real World cast member and forget about these bitches altogether. They head to the hotel, and Bret says he's taken time to plan some really special things. I'm totally sure he was on Travelocity all night, looking for the best deals. When they arrive at the hotel, our heroic threesome are treated to traditional Mayan dancing. You know Daisy tried to impress Bret with her knowledge by saying, "Hey, didn't these people, like, read a poem at Bill Clinton's inauguration or something? That was totally rad."

Daisy and Ambre have to share a room, which seems pretty cruel. They get teeny shorts, calla lilies, and Bret Mail. "Hello my sexy ladies, welcome to Me Cancun. Enjoy your gifts and I will see you tonight for dinner. Love, Bret." The girls have a balcony with a canopy bed that overlooks the ocean. Ugh, I don't even want to know what Dateline is going to find when they bring their blacklight to this particular spot. Something looking like it came from the "Caves" episode of Planet Earth, I'm sure. Ambre asks, "How pimp is that?" As pimp as one of K-Fed's groomsmen, with an equal amount of tragic foreshadowing.

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Rock of Love

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