Rock of Love

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Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time

And then, shocking twist! Bret says he's had many screw-ups in his life and asked for much forgiveness. As he's matured, he's learned to try to forgive people and give them second chances. And so Tiffany also gets to stay, on sort of a probationary basis. She may have to sleep in a bathtub, which is probably a step up from her van down by the river. Dallas says that Tiffany was eliminated and got back in the house because she sucked Big John's dick, but that's okay, because that's what she does for a living. And Dallas is totally fine with that. I also kind of love Dallas, I've gotta tell you. The other girls are not really thrilled, but Bret interviews that he thinks under the drunken mess there is a good person in there, and also, Tiffany is entertaining. It's hard to argue with that. Bret tells Tiffany that she has two strikes, and she tells him not to threaten her with a good time. I predict she'll sober up sometime in 2017.

Bret gives each of the eliminated five girls a hug goodbye. Most of them are kind of bitter. Jessica notes that Bret kept all the big-boobed dumb contestants, and must not like the smart girls. Irony's family has been adopted for the holidays. They'd like word searches and Hooked On Phonics. Bret actually seems semi-thoughtful about the eliminated contestants, and refrains from calling anyone a dumb bitch. The same can't be said for Erin, who wants to distinguish herself from that particular crowd. So much for female solidarity. Bret and the remaining twenty-one have a toast to rocking or loving or being threatened with a good time or some such thing.

Coming up: boobs n' tears. But until then it's...

Bret's boner comment countdown!

1. [After being kissed by Tiffany, looks down and changes positions] "Hold on, I'm going to have to shoot from this angle now."
2. [While photographing the girls] "I've gotta be honest with you, I was having a lot of emotions pouring through my member."
3. [After being kissed by Magdalena, looks down and adjusts crotch] "John, I'll be back in a minute."
4. [In the midst of a photo montage] "I'm about to pop. I'm telling you, I'm extremely horny and I'm ready to explode."
5. [Upon Tiffany bouncing up and down on his lap] "She beat my penis to a pulp, and it was a dry beating."

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Rock of Love

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