Rock of Love
Double Dates

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Funked Up

So, there is a drummer and private bar and everything on the roof deck, and Mindy emerges wearing only the top of her carnivale outfit and jeans. She starts bitching about her top, and the drummer tells her to not take it so seriously. And for real, man. You're on Rock of Love: Bus. Think about it. Mindy interviews that nothing irritates her more than being asked to do something that's completely opposite of who she is and that makes her look ridiculous. And again, if you come on this show expecting not to look ridiculous, you either don't have cable or you don't have eyes. She's not going to sit and pretend that everything is fine and dandy, she interviews, when it isn't. And then, we get the greatest montage of Miserable Mindy moments from throughout the season. Wow! When you see it all together like that, you realize that she really is a bitch-trog. Jamie wants her to enjoy the moment and stop freaking out. And, likely, stop torturing everyone else.

Bret comes out to meet the girls and has the intent of chilling out and making some music. He is not wearing a carnivale headdress, but does have a bunch of tiny braids in his wig. He starts strumming and tells Mindy that she'll be first to sing. She continues to be stank and announces that she's going to go change. Bret notices that Jamie and Taya are having the times of their lives, while Mindy is having a fit. Bret no likey, and interviews that she's got to learn to roll with the punches on the road. Mindy complains some more and then storms off. Bret tells her to put a damn bikini bottom on, for God's sake. He tells the other girls that this is not a good thing, because you need to be able to roll and have fun. And, I mean, Mindy is annoying and beaver-like for sure. But if you'll notice, Bret is fully clothed. I'm just saying. Back inside the suite, Mindy yells that she feels like she's trying to prove to someone that she looks naked, which she doesn't need to do. Well, since she's never even been ENGAGED maybe she does. Jamie tells Bret that Mindy just freaks out a lot. Bret announces that she's just gone mad.

Bret is sick of Captain Buzzkill for reals, until she comes back wearing a sailor outfit consisting of hotpants, a bikini top, and a sailor's hat. He asks, "What is going on there, Captain Steubing?" I have to say that I really enjoyed Bret throughout this episode, which sometimes happens and makes me question my worth as a human being. And also that a guest appearance by Charo right now would not be terrible. Bret then has a round of questions for the girls. He turns first to Jamie, who's sitting on his lap, and asks if she went home and Mindy and Taya remained, who she'd want him to be with. Jamie doesn't want to answer, so she tells Bret that she's better for him than either of the others. She interviews that Bret made a good decision in terms of the final three given what he knows about the girls. What he does not know, unfortunately, is that Mindy and Taya are both batshit crazy. Finally, Jamie says that Mindy is the better one for Bret because she has nothing to promote or gain. Cut to an interview with Taya, who says that once again she's being attacked for trying to promote Penthouse. She adds that she's sick of hearing about it and it's stupid. I don't have to tell you that she's wearing her Penthouse tank top all the while, do I?

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Rock of Love

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