Big John enters and gives Taya instructions regarding their kick-ass challenge for a kick-ass date. They read, "Good morning ladies. It's time to find out if we can make sweet music together. I'm doing a live recording session today and I want you all to be a part of it. You will each write the title, verse and chorus to my song and we will perform it together at the session. You will have one hour to write your song and be ready to perform." Awesome! But not for Mindy. She's terrified because she can't sing, and also is a moron. Bret has left boom boxes and CDs for the girls to practice with. Whichever lady wins will be jetting off with Bret for the evening. The prize = boning! My song would be called "I'll Be Hair for You," and begin with the verse: "To me your love is like a drug / I'm the follicle to your hair plug / I'm the zag and you're the zig / I'm the lace front, you're the wig."
Anyhoo, Beverly is no songwriter but once she hears the strumming of Bret's guitar it all came easy to her. Jamie says she's no musician, but she's just having fun and going with it. And then there's Mindy. She's all freaky and stressed out. Mindy found her outfit in the children's section at Target, which should be a bigger concern than her inability to write a song. Taya tries to calm her down, and Mindy responds that Taya knows how to do this and has been around music her entire life. Taya acknowledges that that's true, and is certain she's going to win the challenge. Mindy freaks out some more and looks exactly like a beaver. She has apparently never heard of the foreign art form called "music." She keeps shouting, "I can't sing!" and even her BFF Taya is sick of her. Beverly, meanwhile, loves her catchy and ridiculous song. She feels like a total rock star. Mindy feels like an addled beaver. Gnaw gnaw gnaw. Big John comes to get them and Mindy freaks out some more because everyone else was done and she only has three sentences. But then, on the bus, she shut her eyes and thought about what she'd really like to say to Bret in a song. And then it clicked. And she wrote a song called "On My Way to Loving You." I'm writing a song for Mindy right now called "On My Way to Punching You in the Throat." God. Also, she still can't sing. But man, you should watch her go to work on a tree trunk.
Bret welcomes the ladies to his studio. He's wearing his double-wide bandana in honor of National Trailer Month. Bret introduces the girls to his friend Pete Evick, who is going to help with the judging responsibilities. The girl who appears to be the most confident and secure in what she's written gets to go with Bret on a jet to Texas, where he's playing a festival (read: county fair). They'll party all night, then come back to Florida in the morning. Everyone is creaming themselves. Bret interviews that he knows the girls probably aren't God's gift to the written word or sung note, but this is a good chance for them all to goof around and have fun. If your idea of fun is listening to Mindy warble a song with the Carpenters-esque title of, "On My Way to Loving You."