Rock of Love

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Unhinged Melody

The room has all sorts of memorabilia on the wall, like a TGI Friday's, and Bret has even signed a playlist and photo, which are right above the bed. Beverly is ecstatic, and is ready to steal stuff from the room to give to her kids. Mindy tells us that Beverly is in love with the idea of being in love with a rock star. This is disheartening to Mindy, because she's retarded. She's really falling for Bret, and feels like there's a great possibility that she'll be hurt. She comes out wearing a train conductor hat and weeping, like Thomas the Skank Engine. Jamie says that Mindy is in her own little soap opera, and is cracking in front of our eyes. Her mascara and fake tan stay in place, though. Impressive. Taya hugs Mindy, who says that it's hard when you start to care about somebody and realize that it all might just be a big joke. She's just realizing that it's a big joke NOW? Too bad for her there's no dumb-ass insurance. She says, quite earnestly, that she's scared. I wish Ashley was here right now to throw a frozen Lean Cuisine at her. Taya feels for Mindy, because she's apparently been a total spinster for her whole life. Mindy says that it's hard for her to show emotion, and she's terrified that Bret is going to ask her to show emotion, and she won't be able to. I think this is what Ashley meant metaphorically when she says that these bitches talk about cereal for three hours. As Taya tries to comfort her, Mindy gets all aggressive and yells that she's still single and has never even been engaged. Oooh, horrors. Jamie, meanwhile, makes hilarious faces and Beverly picks her nose. Mindy says, "In a game of love I always lose, and I don't want to lose this time." Did she really just say, "In a game of love"? No wonder no one's ever proposed. And, to quote my hero, Cher, the way of love is a way of woe. Nut up, chucker.

Big John enters and gives Taya instructions regarding their kick-ass challenge for a kick-ass date. They read, "Good morning ladies. It's time to find out if we can make sweet music together. I'm doing a live recording session today and I want you all to be a part of it. You will each write the title, verse and chorus to my song and we will perform it together at the session. You will have one hour to write your song and be ready to perform." Awesome! But not for Mindy. She's terrified because she can't sing, and also is a moron. Bret has left boom boxes and CDs for the girls to practice with. Whichever lady wins will be jetting off with Bret for the evening. The prize = boning! My song would be called "I'll Be Hair for You," and begin with the verse: "To me your love is like a drug / I'm the follicle to your hair plug / I'm the zag and you're the zig / I'm the lace front, you're the wig."

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Rock of Love

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