Back at the strip club, everyone is having fun except for Beverly. If Bret had taken her to a Melissa Etheridge concert, she would totally be in her groove right now. Brittaney explains to us that she loves strip clubs, but she's not a stripper. Also, she's not ashamed of her career in porn, and she empowered women by teaching them how to do retirement funds. Maybe her entire retirement fund is made of sweat socks and ketchup? Actually, it's probably worth more than my retirement fund right now, so I shouldn't judge. Brittaney starts crying in her interview and telling how she's changed and wants a family and blah blah blah, but then she makes out with a stripper and shoves her boobs in Bret's face.
The crowd chants for Beverly to dance, but she won't do it. Bret wants to figure out what's going on with her -- because it would be really mysterious for a woman to be somewhat uncomfortable dancing on a pole at a strip club in front of cameras and cheering crowds -- so he takes her back into a private room and asks her wassagoinon. She tells him that she has three kids at home - which, woah! - and is worried what their friends are going to see and come back and tell them. And, wow. It's been so long since I've seen someone act like a reasonable, responsible adult on this show that I'm a little dumbfounded. Bret, of course, is a parent too, and so can understand. But for him to stop embarrassing his children he'd actually have to stop being Bret Michaels. So he just wraps his bandana tighter and tells us that Beverly is being a bit of a buzzkill. He tells Beverly to be who and what she is. I thought that was what she was doing when she refused to be a big skankburger on the strip club stage. She loses major points for not using this opportunity to make out with Bret, though, even despite the fact that the bill of his hat stabbed her in the eye.
Back at the hotel, the losers note that Bret and his date winners have been gone a really long time. They're wondering if he's banging some former models and porn stars and Peppermint Patty and whatever Melissa is. Farrah will not be happy if Bret has sex with these lame bitches, with the exception of Maria who she admits is hot. Well, she is a retired model after all. The four winners finally return, and stumble off the bus and into their hotel rooms. Melissa tells us that it really sucked that she didn't get to spend any alone time with Bret, and it also sucked that their date was at a strip club. But she had found her people! The ones who would stick a finger in her leaky implant like the boy in the proverbial dyke!