Eliminations! Is it me or is Big John looking kind of fine these days? Bret tells the girls that if anyone has anything to say, they should spit it out. Farrah, who is wearing black lace fingerless gloves to go with her green mock turtleneck spandex mini-dress, tells Bret that she's here for him, whereas other girls who tell their boyfriends that Bret has fake hair aren't. Bret takes this opportunity to say that he has some of the finest quality extensions that Europe has to offer, so it's fine if you want to call him out on it. Oh, phew, I can sleep at night. Melissa then pipes in. She says that she's not feeling this at all. Bret tells her that they both knew that all along. He assumed that she had a boyfriend right at the beginning, and thinks she's a player. He didn't feel it either, he says, adding, "Your tour ends here, get the fuck out." The other girls erupt into wild cheers. Melissa exit interviews that she has a busted boob and a fucked-up arm and it so wasn't worth it. It's a cautionary tale for the ages.
With that out of the way, it's time to get rid of one other girl. Bret calls Kelsey first, followed by Natasha, Farrah, Ashley, Taya, Brittanya, Maria, Mindy, and Marcia. This leaves Brittaney and Beverly. Bret tells Brittaney that she's a beautiful girl, and adds that he's not interested in looking at the past. He then tells Beverly to be who she is -- if she feels like partying at night, fine, but she also has kids and he understands where she's coming from. And it's Beverly who gets a pass. Beverly is happy, and says that she's willing to put up with all the bullshit from the other idiot girls because she wants to get to know Bret. Bret tells Brittaney that her tour ends here. She just stands there on the platform with psycho noises playing in the background as he and Big John leave. Hopefully a Brittaney Starr film festival can make Bret forget about all the crying and drama and sock thievery that the real Brittaney engaged in. Brittaney exit interviews that she can't wait to give the world the love that she has. Through porn. And socks.
Next week: Roadie challenge! Taya falls off the stage like she's Liza Minelli. And Ashley accuses Beverly of hitting on Bret's drummer!
Potes can never hate Bret entirely, because he's a Steelers fan. Wave your Terrible Towel at email@example.com.