Rock of Love
Episode 3

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Pop Goes the Weasel

Bret goes to see the ladies in their hotel, and learns from Brittaney and Melissa that they are being picked on. Neither of them tell him why, but Natasha busts in to notify Bret that Brittaney is a sock thief. Bret interviews that Brittaney's porn star mystique is starting to wear off, and then posits the theory that she's crazy. Not crazy cool. Crazy crazy. Farrah and Ashley then decide to have a two-on-one with Bret and tell him about Melissa's call. He asks what she was saying, and they are forced to tell him that she said he had fake hair. If Bret has read the Internets at any point in the last year and a half, he's probably built up some coping mechanisms for this line of critique. He is not thrilled that Melissa is making fun of him and might have a boyfriend, so goes to talk to her. Melissa's strategy is to deny everything and say that people pick on her because she's intelligent and carries herself well. If I were constructing a defense, I would try to make it believable. But that's just me. Melissa starts going on about how Bret hasn't gotten to know her. Which, good move on his part. Bret interviews that Melissa has been hot and cold all along, and we get a montage to back up his story. He tells her that she's like a bipolar roller coaster, and they haven't even had sex yet. Yeah. After sex the bipolar roller coaster is pretty legit, I think. Melissa tells Bret that when she dates somebody it's not because of how they look, but because of how they treat her. She says she wants him to look at her when he talks to her. He says he is, but it's kind of hard to tell since he has dark sunglasses on. Melissa interviews that Bret is full of crap, and that she's questioning all of his antics. Antics? Just when she has me, she loses me again.

Eliminations! Is it me or is Big John looking kind of fine these days? Bret tells the girls that if anyone has anything to say, they should spit it out. Farrah, who is wearing black lace fingerless gloves to go with her green mock turtleneck spandex mini-dress, tells Bret that she's here for him, whereas other girls who tell their boyfriends that Bret has fake hair aren't. Bret takes this opportunity to say that he has some of the finest quality extensions that Europe has to offer, so it's fine if you want to call him out on it. Oh, phew, I can sleep at night. Melissa then pipes in. She says that she's not feeling this at all. Bret tells her that they both knew that all along. He assumed that she had a boyfriend right at the beginning, and thinks she's a player. He didn't feel it either, he says, adding, "Your tour ends here, get the fuck out." The other girls erupt into wild cheers. Melissa exit interviews that she has a busted boob and a fucked-up arm and it so wasn't worth it. It's a cautionary tale for the ages.

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Rock of Love

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