Rock of Love
Episode 5

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In With the New

The new girls get some Bret Mail with a side delivery of United Jeans, to help them look smoking hot, and an invitation for a date. Beverly interviews that some of the original girls haven't gotten the chance to go on a date with Bret yet. She's pissed and upset that she hasn't had enough quality time with Bret for him to see who she is. I think she's just mad that she's not the only one in the house who's not a total whorebag anymore. Bret enters to collect the new girls, who he notes are looking hot. In the limo, they share stories of the drama in the house, including the time when Brittanya went ape-shit on Kami. Bret thinks that Brittanya being upset could be a good thing. However, the fact that she didn't care if she went home could be a bad thing. Bret takes the girls to the bowling alley, which is kind of an awesome date. As they have beers and bowling alley food, Bret notes that he's had more fun on this date than his others combined. That's what a good chicken finger will do to you.

Later, Bret works out. He loves to show us how he works that rowing machine, doesn't he? Because there's nothing sexier than a man in sweatpants! Brittanya, who's a bit nervous about elimination, enters. She is wearing an outfit that appears to be fashioned entirely out of tinfoil. A very small amount of tinfoil. Whatever that foilage is, says Bret, it's hot. Hey, Bret used the word "foilage" correctly for once! He adds that it's a scientific fact that women know how to use the sex card to keep a relationship perky. He might have a point, because Brittanya basically sits there in her foil dress and barely says a word. She doesn't have to as her boobs are doing the talking for her. To his credit, Bret says that if they don't strike up some sort of a conversation soon, this isn't going to go very far. It must be a strange feeling to be too dumb for Bret Michaels. Finally, Brittanya talks about how pissed she was about the addition of the new girls. Bret wants to hear that she's there for the right reasons. Brittanya hopes that he knows that already. She interviews that the physical connection is definitely there, but she still doesn't know about, and I quote, "[Pause.] What's that called. Mental? [Laugh. Pause.] Emotional? Yeah, yeah, okay. But I'm still really concerned that the emotional connection isn't there." Bret gives her a hug, and a giant censor box has to cover her side boob. I love that her defining personality trait is shyness.

With that, it's elimination time! Bret first announces that all of the new girls get to stay on the tour and continue to rock his world. Ashley announces, "That's lame." She feels better about things when Bret calls her next to stay, though. Bret next calls Mindy, Taya, Beverly, Kelsey, and Farrah, who is pretty upset that so many lame girls got called before her. This of course leaves Brittanya and Natasha. Bret says that he's still trying to figure out if Brittanya really wants to be there. He adds that he and Natasha have a great connection, but he really isn't looking for chicks with dicks. Thus, Natasha is eliminated. Bret tells her that in a different world they really would have hooked up and had a great time. So to clarify, he's not looking for chicks with dicks when he's being filmed. Got it. Natasha tells Bret that he's a beautiful man, and she hopes that he finds the person who's right for him. Surprisingly classy! As an endnote, Bret lets us know that all the smack Ashley was talking about Natasha did not affect his decision. They had a great connection, but unfortunately only as friends. He wishes her well, and we're out.

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Rock of Love

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