The Sweethearts get their trophy, and Bret has to decide who the MVP will be. On the Sweethearts side, Mindy played like a champ. Ashley was a standout for the Fallen Angels, not only for her skills on the field but for her ability to pull down the mud-caked pants of others. Ashley thinks that she deserves the award, especially given that she has mud in places that she can't even get out with a Q-tip. And she was the one who managed to keep her own pants on. But Bret likes a little variety in his banging and so selects Mindy. She's ecstatic and Ashley is pissed. As Bret and Mindy walk off together, Ashley notes that Mindy has gopher-face. Farrah conjectures that Bret will yawn throughout their date.

When Bret sees Mindy at date-time, however, there is no yawning involved. Mindy takes a sweet approach to the whole thing, and says that when she met Bret on the sidewalk it seemed sort of like a first date with a regular guy. Then they got in a limo and she saw the full heft of his extensions in the overhead light and realized that he's not such a regular guy after all. Mindy's ensemble makes her look 1) like a whore; 2) like she has a bandage around her waist. The hell?

Back at the hotel, Jenny talks to her mom on the phone. She reminds us again that this is horrible timing. She is trying to put her emotions aside, because she wants to be on Rock of Love so badly. But then she starts crying on the phone about how much she misses her dad, and this whole thing suddenly feels so wrong. There are plenty of types of voyeurism on this show that I enjoy, but this is not one of them. Jenny soothes the pain by applying more makeup. She tells Taya that her dad died just last week. Holy crow! However, he was a very motivated person, she says, and she wouldn't want to let him down by not going on a reality show where by default she's considered a total skank. Somewhere the clouds part and a rainbow appears in the sky. Follow it to its end and you will find a pot of crabs.

Meanwhile, Bret and Mindy arrive in Texas and head to Billy Bob's. Billy Bob's is apparently a very big bar. It also has a bull-riding contest and an area where you can sit seductively on a bull carcass and have your picture taken. Hott! Mindy smears a giant corn dog with mustard and talks about how wrong yet delicious it is. This plus sitting on a carcass is pretty much the perfect preparation for having sex with Bret Michaels. Bret introduces Mindy as his girlfriend, which she says felt fantastic. Even though it was obviously lies. Mindy loves the fact that there are girls in the audience who want Bret, and girls back in Nashville who want Bret, but she's the one who gets him.