Rock of Love
Rock of Love

Episode Report Card
Potes: A- | 1455 USERS: B-
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Stuporbowl

Bret is on his bus, and Big John hands him a letter. Turns out a good friend of Bret's has just been killed in Iraq. His friend was married with three children, and also had the time of his life at Bret's show. The friend's wife asked him to autograph a photo for the kids. Bret is very sad, and quite possibly consoles himself by strumming the chords to "Something to Believe In."

Big John then delivers Bret Mail to the girls. It tells them that the other members of the winning football team, minus Mindy, will get to have dinner with Bret. He wants to be mellow with his ladies, and is not particularly in a party mood. He tells them about his friend who was killed, which puts everyone in a somber mood. Bret takes Brittanya outside for some one-on-one time and again says that he feels a disconnect between them. He tries to start up a conversation with her, and she once again has absolutely nothing to say. Bret is ready to give up, but then Brittanya starts sucking face with him. To quote Bret, "Okay, so she's mute. But she is hot. Could be worse." She's like the Helen Keller of skanks.

Bret spends a bit of time with the rest of the girls and tells them about his friend as well. Jennifer can relate, having just lost her dad. She and Bret go outside and Jenny starts pouring her heart out about her dad. She apologizes for crying, and then Bret totally looks at her boobs, calls her Taya, and tells her it's okay. Sensitivo! Jenny is happy that she got to spend time with Bret, even though he doesn't know her name. Bret can tell that Jenny's going through a hard time, and wonders if this is the best place for her to be right now.

With that, it's time for elimination! Farrah thinks that Taya should go home because 1) she's lame; 2) she is wearing a pearl necklace the size of Cincinnati. Seriously, Taya's "elegant" attire rivals Heather's 80's stripper elimination getup for sheer whackness. Bret enters and thanks the girls for being understanding of his saddened state. He then calls Taya first to get her pass! Mindy is SNUBBED and she knows it. Mindy is called next, and Bret asks her if she had a good time on their date. She says she had the best time she's ever had in her life. In all fairness, gophers generally lead pretty boring lives. Bret then says that they popped a lot of virgin terrain. Oh, please don't tell me that she let Bret Michaels deflower her. Ashley has similar thoughts, interviewing, "Please tell me at 34 years old she's not still a virgin." Oy vey. I think the answer to this mystery is akin to the classic answer to the famous Newlywed Game question, "Where is the most exotic place you and [Bret Michaels] have made whoopee?" Incidentally, I have my screen paused on the remaining contestants standing and waiting to hear who Bret will call next, and I feel it is my duty to point out that Beverly totally looks like a truck driver. Bret next calls Kami, followed by truck driver Beverly herself, Jamie, Ashley, and Farrah.

Rock of Love

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