Rock of Love

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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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Fool Brittanya

Potes was so upset about Farrah being kicked out last week that she refused to do the weecap this week, so you've got me instead. Hope I can hang! While Bret makes out with Taya, the rest of the girls wait to see who got kicked out. Ashley, of course, is really hoping Taya is gone. There's footsteps in the hall, but since they sound like "stripper shoes," it's even money on who's wearing them. Then Taya walks in, and is greeted with a bunch of bleeps from a very disappointed Ashley. Observant Mindy notes that Taya's lipstick is all messed up, so she must have been kissing Bret. Ashley is wiping tears away. "I see Taya and I want to die," she says; "I just don't even know what I'm gonna do with myself." How about do yourself? You'll have to, now that Farrah's gone.

The next morning, someone decided it was a good idea to let Brittanya read Bret's letter, addressed to the "smokin' hot six." I'm just guessing that it was spelled "smokin'." It's time to head to the oldest city in the United States -- St. Augustine, Florida. This show is really educational. Like a really, really, really, really slutty version of Where in the USA is Carmen Sandiego?. Instead of stealing the entire Washington Monument, one of the girls hides it up her roomy junk. Brittanya has no idea what any of this means, but will take the letter's word for it. There, they'll do some "looking back" to "where we came from." Trips down memory lane are always fun except in the case of this show, where they are nothing short of terrifying. Taya says they're guessing they'll be meeting up with their parents or ex-boyfriends. I sort of like to imagine that women who strip and pose naked don't have parents to be shocked and horrified.

The pink bus drives all the way to another city in Florida, and they get a hotel where people hold the door open for them and everything. Jamie interviews that she really liked St. Augustine and wanted the chance to go around exploring and possibly antiquing, but there was something "big" already planned for them. The girls congregate in a hotel room, and Beverly says she doesn't care if the person from her past is her worst enemy as long as she gets to see someone she knows. And since most of the people in Beverly's past are her worst enemies, that's a pretty safe bet. Meanwhile, Taya notes that one of the hotel pillows matches the purple streak in Beverly's hair, and suggests that Beverly carry the pillow around with her at all times. Cut to Ashley, who looks up from her burrito and bag of chips to say: "this is the most boring conversation I've ever had." Okay, Ashley rules. Then she says she'd rather sit in the room in silence than talk about pillows. And so they do.

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Rock of Love

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