Next is Melissa. When she gets to Bret, she pulls out a two-dollar bill. She says that when season two ended she made a wish on the two-dollar bill. Her wish came true, because she's standing there with Bret. First of all, the fuck? And second, you have a magic two dollar bill and THIS is your wish? Melissa interviews that the two-dollar bill has been in her family for many years. She wants to give it to Bret, so he can make a wish on it, too. Bret wishes that Melissa would stop being so pathetic. He doesn't know what's worse -- that the two-dollar bill is her family's heirloom, or that she's giving it to him. There's really no way to choose. And then freaking Megan gives Bret stuffed animals. I mean, I know she's an animal trainer, but, in the words of Bret, "You do know I'm a rock star, right?" Then there's Brittanya, who tells Bret that she wants him to be her man and her lover, too, and anything he asks she'll do. He stops her right there and rips off her white veil. Bret says, quite correctly, that Brittanya is smoking hot, and that's enough for him. For her gift, Brittany gives him a piercing and says when they're better friends he can put it back where it belongs. A heavenly beam hits Bret's face and the other girls realize they've been trumped. Except for Taya, who would hope that her counterparts have more class than to give Bret their vaginal piercings. Taya much more classily gives Bret two framed photos of her Penthouse centerfolds along with the lingerie she wore in her first major spread. Farrah is sick of Taya's Penthouse Pet holier-than-thou shtick, but Bret loves the gift.
The ladies all gather together with Bret as he declares the winners of the date with him. Brittaney thinks that Bret was touched by his vows and hopes he'll pick her. As comes as a surprise to no one else, he does not. Instead he picks Taya, Brittanya, and Farrah. Brittaney is hurt because she put so much time and effort into her vows. Well, that was her first mistake. Did she learn nothing on the set of Rectal Rooter 9? The ladies exit the church to find a big crowd cheering for them. To add a note of gravity to the occasion, there's a fat guy in flip flops and cut off denim shorts blowing bubbles. Awesome. Back on the bus, Brittaney starts bawling. She's broken hearted because she wanted to have some time with Bret. Ashley chimes in with a sympathetic, "Shut the fuck up." Brittaney cries and asks if she wasn't good enough. Ashley tells her that Bret obviously didn't like her vows, and so he didn't pick her for a date. That is some kind of awesome tough love. Natasha tells Brittaney to stop it, and Ashley tells her to pull the little curtain over her bus bed.