Previously on Rock of Love: Bus: Skanks! In all of their drunken, stripping, sloppy, stumbling, squabbling, choking, shotglass-in-the-vagina glory. This morning I totally said a silent prayer of thanks that this show is back on the air.
Bret's lovely ladies awaken and ready themselves for another cotton-mouthed day on the road. Farrah tells us how sad she is that Gia was eliminated. She describes Gia as a cool chick, and a member of the Blondetourage. Who served a shot out of her lady bits, as you may recall. Gia taught all of womanhood a very important lesson, which Farrah recounts for us: "Note to self: do not show your va-jay-jay in public." This has been one to grow on.
Farrah and Megan have a talk as they apply their pounds of makeup, wherein Farrah advises Megan to step it up and ensure that she gets some time with Bret. Megan doesn't want to hang all over Bret. Farrah says that she'd rather hang all over him than not talk to him at all. Farrah, who has her boobs on full display even during this casual makeup session, obviously knows of what she speaks and so I think Megan would be wise to take her advice. Farrah thinks that Megan should say, "Hey! I have an announcement. This is Megan!" And then point to herself. I maybe take back what I just said about Farrah being an Ann Landers-quality advice guru after all. It all falls apart when she gets to the specifics. Megan interviews that she's not going to go up to Bret and get half-naked, because she respects Bret. I'm not going to waste any more time on what she says because with this line of thinking she's obviously going to be eliminated.
Meanwhile, Marcia has made the executive decision to switch buses and get away from her archnemesis, Ashley. She makes it seem like this is all her idea and that the restraining order has nothing to do with it. On one of the buses, the girls find a postcard from Bret. It reads: "Good morning my faithful fifteen -- You're [SIC!!!!!] next stop on our tour is Indianapolis! It's time to see you rocking down the aisle! Write me your wedding vows and bring me a gift showing me exactly who you are. The only way to be by my side, is if I can see you as my bride." Kudos to the VH1 lackey who strove for authenticity by beginning this postcard with the improper use of "you're" and continuing with awkward phrasing and punctuation. It's just as if it had been penned by Mr. Michaels himself! Bret interviews that even though he's never made it down the aisle, marriage is never far from his mind. He assures us that the mock wedding we are about to see will be Bret Michaels-style, with little bags of fishnet-enclosed penicillin as party favors instead of mints. Brittaney interviews that she is psyched to share her wedding vows with the man she's going to be truly in love with for the rest of her life, and says she knows they can be a great team to inspire each other to fly on their beautiful wings of love. Up and above the clouds, the only way to fly. If karma exists, Bret Michaels' first wedding dance will be Clay Aiken doing Jeffrey Osborne.