Rock of Love

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Bride of Skankenstein

Brittaney then starts crying and says she wants to go home. She is shocked that anyone would think she's racist, and again says that her grandfather was a beautiful black man. In an interview, Brittany cries and says that she feels awful because everyone is picking on her. As we focus in on the alien-themed room we hear Brittaney sobbing and saying, "I wanna go home. My mom loves me, and my family loves me, and wowehsooooooo. I wanna go home!" Notice she doesn't mention her black grandfather loving her. Maybe her black grandfather is Sammy Davis Jr. It would make as much sense as anything else about Brittaney.

But enough with the squabbling. It's time for Taya, Brittanya, and Farrah to have their date with Bret. The girls ride out to the country, and Farrah wonders where the French they are. Farrah interviews that she's not an outdoorsy sort of girl, as we might be able to tell, and is scared of snakes and spiders and creepy crawly bugs that can get on her. She is facing her fears hard core by allowing Bret Michaels to get close to her. The girls end up at a farm with a pumpkin patch and horses. Bret greets them with a plaintive, "Ah, my future ex-wives." They are in Greenfield, Indiana, and are about to go on a hayride. At one point Bret's wig blends in with the hay like some sort of super-stealth camouflage. The hayride is bumpy and not that exciting, so the four settle in for lunch. And then, Taya starts cutting the corn off of Bret's cob. That is not a euphemism. What the French, indeed?

The other girls are sick of all the attention that Taya is getting, and so Brittanya busts out her VIP pass. Taya thinks it's stupid to waste it when you're already sitting next to Bret, but Brittanya makes the most of her time. She lies to Bret that he's the hottest guy she's ever seen, and he acknowledges that he wants to have hot sex with her. And he wants to have a conversation with her, too. But mostly the hot sex. Meanwhile, Farrah and Taya are sick of sitting alone on a bench in the sun with their boobs sweating. They go back and interrupt Brittanya and Bret's one on one time. Brittanya conjectures that they're jealous, and she's probably right. Bret says that he's going to have Big John pack up some of the food to go, and the date is over.

Back at the hotel, the rest of the girls decide to have some shots to ease their pain at not being selected for the date. As it turns out, former archenemies Ashley and Marcia have bonded over their love of tequila and are now BFFs. They wear matching sunglasses and have matching earrings and drunkenly love each other. I can't wait for the moment when this happy ending turns to disaster again.

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Rock of Love

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