Rock of Love

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First Annual Bret's Mudbowl

Meanwhile, Brandi decides to tell Erin that Heather wrote shit about her in a letter. Why get her own hands dirty, she asks, when she can just point to Heather? Erin is surprised to hear about the letter and pissed that Heather is trying to set her up again. Brandi tells Erin to confront Heather, and hopes that perhaps Erin will piss off Heather so much that both bitches will be gone. I do enjoy her spunk. Erin confronts Heather in the phone booth about telling Bret about the Justin Timberlake issue. Erin thinks it's ridiculous that Heather thinks she wants to actually date Justin Timberlake. They bicker, and Heather says that Erin doesn't want to be there -- she's always going on about football players and stuff, and it's never about Bret. She's just not into him. Erin thinks that Heather is insecure and threatened by her. Heather thinks Erin should just go home. Brandi M. thinks she's a fucking genius.

Oh, and then Erin decides she should go talk to Bret. I can't believe this poor man signed on for a second season. Of course, Bret is in there with Lacey. He tells Erin he's in a really foul mood, and if she has a problem with someone else, she needs to take it up directly with them. Oooh! He's like a middle manager now. Erin says she was just going to come by and say hello, but then found out about all the drama. Bret is sick about hearing about Erin and Heather's starfucking, and tells us that at this point he's about to eliminate both of them.

Elimination! Heather, in a seafoam dress and 1986 junior prom hair, wants Erin to go home because she's a poser. Erin says that Heather is going to be sixty-give years old, married to a 300-pound man, and living in a trailer park with five kids. And that's IF she wins the show! Erin notes that Heather is, after all, still a stripper at thirty-two. Quite frankly, it would be easier to take Erin seriously if she didn't have circus tits. Incidentally, "circus tits" is the new "sugar tits," and I relish the opportunity to work it into everyday conversation. Jes actually agrees that she doesn't think Erin is there for legit reasons, though she thinks Heather is a bigger competitor. Lacey feels like the puppetmaster, and is ready to concoct her plan for the next victim.

Bret emerges, and tells the girls he's in a mood to just get down to it. He calls Jes first. She's wearing the halter dress again and looks totally adorable. Mia is next, though Bret hasn't spent much time with her. She agrees to stay and continue to rock his world. Brandi M. is next, followed by Lacey, Magdalena, and Sam. This of course leaves Heather and Erin. Heather is freaking out that she's paired in the bottom two with a lying asshole. Erin says she usually doesn't go down without a fight, but she's not going to lower herself to a stripper whore level, either. You know, being so immersed in this show has totally affected my personal lexicon, because the other night I was at a party and a friend was telling me about how her husband was hanging out with some girl named Tia, and my first reaction was, "What kind of a fucking whore name is that?" (Apologies to all the Tias out there -- it's a perfectly lovely name, if perhaps a bit whorishly evocative.)

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Rock of Love




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