Rock of Love

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Going to Ex-tremes

Previously: Kristy Joe decided to go home and take care of some business, e.g. get back together with some loser she's dated or been married to before. Bret told us he wants a woman who can dive into his rock n' roll lifestyle. Each ho in the house tried her best to prove her mettle via pole skills, aggression, tongue kissing, and boobs in the face. Five bitches remain!

It is morning. Daisy awakens and is especially happy since dawn brings with it an absence of Kristy Joe. All is peaceful and happy in Rock of Love land. Boy, are these dicksuckers in for a few surprises. Big John delivers Bret Mail, which Daisy reads. "As you know, I've been here before / But this time is special, and I want to be sure / There's still so much I need to know / Be honest with me, and we can only grow / Right now my heart is a little sore / Because after tonight there will only be four." After a night with Daisy I bet it's more than Bret's heart that's sore. I imagine her lady bits being entirely lined with barbed wire and, like, jagged Fritos. The girls are surprised to know that the elimination will be tonight.

Big John calls the girls together to meet with Bret. Bret says he's getting closer to knowing the truth about each of the contestants, and to help him in his quest to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help him God, he's brought in a few special guests. The door opens to reveal...a guy in a black driving hat, the likes of which my dad wears, and a cream-colored cable knit sweater. Are they going golfing? The 18th hole is, after all, known as the truth serum of laborious, dull sports. Turns out it's Destiney's ex-husband, Adam. Megan interviews, "Oh, God, our exes are here." Bret thinks that it's the perfect way to find out who these girls are outside this house of lies. He may be right, as the five remaining contestants look terrified. Destiney tells us that she and Adam were married for three years, and are still great friends, so she thinks Adam is going to say great things about her.

Next we meet Jessica's ex, Casey. He wears a baseball cap and looks quite wee. Jessica wonders why, of all her ex possibilities, they had to bring in the guy who treated her like crap. I think it's more process of elimination, since only an asshole would come on this show, likely to mock the fact that you're vying for the affections of an old dude who wears a wig. Or to promote his bar and/or goth band. Next we meet Megan's ex, Josh. He wears sunglasses at his hairline and a shirt that says "SWIG Chicago." He looks like a real tool. Megan interviews that she and Josh dated for six months about a year ago. She wanted Josh to be her boyfriend, but he had another girlfriend that he didn't want to leave for her. That girlfriend is one lucky lady, eh? Ambre's special guest is next. She thinks it's going to be her ex-fiancé of seven years, but it turns out that he had too much sense to come. Instead, we meet Ambre's best friend Adam. Bret doesn't know if he should be scared or not that none of Ambre's exes could be convinced to come on the show. He's too busy being scared of Adam's Hawaiian shirt to know for sure. Ambre thinks she lucked out in this situation.

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Rock of Love

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