Previously: Vegas, baby! The girls got to see Bret in concert, which made some of them drink heavily. In their defense, having a Poison music video marathon on YouTube last night totally made me do the same. Heather finally started to see Lacey's scheming ways and declared an end to their alliance, while the cold, smooth feeling of a toilet bowl against her cheek prompted Brandi to express her love to Bret. Like any person with sense, she reneged the next day. Bret got pissed and sent her home, and we now have our final three!
It is morning in L.A. Heather and Lacey make awkward small talk, and Heather interviews that, after the way Lacey acted in Vegas, Heather doesn't trust her. Lacey has a similar "every girl for herself" attitude, and Jes tells us that her connection with Bret has really intensified, so she has to be sure to tell him how she feels. Bret twiddles with his guitar, and presumably other things, in the B.A.M.B. room, which still has the Polaroids of Brandi M. and Heather on the door. Bret has a big surprise for the Awesome Threesome -- he's asked their parents to come and live at the house for a weekend. And really, we can't say that Bret Michaels never gave anything to humanity, because this is going to be unbelievable. You marry the girl, you marry the parents, says Bret. What about when you just get a daily beej from the girl? Hope you brought kneepads, Lacey's dad!
Big John calls Heather out because -- surprise! Her parents are there. To her credit, she is super-excited. She's only ever seen her parents in a room together about two other times in her life. Not that that makes people turn into strippers, all you divorced parents out there! Keep on keeping on. Heather apparently got her fashion sense from her mom, who is wearing a sequined top. Bret emerges from his room with a look of fright, and interviews that if there's one thing that makes a rock star nervous, it's meeting a girl's parents. Yes, Bret, but how does it make YOU feel? Bret introduces himself to Brenda and David, and says his first impression was that they were cool. It's true -- you can tell that they're a fun time. Heather's dad is a party-loving good old boy from Florida, and he and Bret talk about how the Jaguars always cream the Steelers. Thanks for reminding me, Bret.
Lacey and Jes see Heather's parents and know something's up. Sure enough, Jes's folks are the next to arrive. She starts tearing up when she goes to greet them, and assures her dad that it's because she's happy. She has a great, kick-ass relationship with her parents, she says, and needed a good dose of them right now. Bret comes to introduce himself to Deb and Jim. He tells us that he had pictured an extremely uptight banker dad and very judgmental mom, but when he met them, it was the greatest surprise of his life. Even more of a surprise than the time he won that Grammy? Oh, wait. Jes's dad asks Bret if he knows about her Baby Boobie Fund, then points out the comparison between Jes's rack and Deb's. Okay, there, Creepy Joe Simpson. Take it down a level. But Jes doesn't seem to mind, and Bret loves them and appreciates Jes even more.
And then it's time for the arrival of Lacey's dad, who will most certainly be played by Robert Duvall in Wassagoinon: The Rock Of Love Story. Lacey tells us that she's definitely daddy's little girl. There's also a woman with Lacey's dad, who is very blonde and carries a Chanel bag. Lacey shows her dad and apparently despised stepmom the Love Dances With The Devil album cover, and her dad gets a weird look. Or maybe he just couldn't see it properly, what with the glare coming off his earring. Lacey gets a little embarrassed. Not about the earring, but about her dad seeing her looking seductive in red underwear. Like that's never happened before. Bret introduces himself to Otis and Karen, and then tells us that he remembered meeting Lacey's dad on a flight several years ago. As Bret recalls, he thought Otis was pretty odd. I mean, it's true that, in terms of strangers you meet on a plane, you only really remember the people you wished would have shut up and let you read your freaking US Weekly. Otis remembers showing Bret a picture of Lacey. Bret had asked if he could date her, and Otis told him she was way too young. Awkward! Otis doesn't look amused by this. Bret can tell that he's very protective, and sees that there's a ticking time bomb in Otis's eyes. It's called "the crazy," and it is apparently genetic. He must, however, be very rich to have landed the hot second wife.