Bret gets all the girls and all the parents together to lay out the plan for the day. Heather's mom is totally rocking the Zima. It's exactly what my mom would be doing, so I love her. Otis is wearing loafers with no socks. It's a bad sign. A very bad sign. Bret will spend time with Heather and her family first, which she is really excited about. Things are already going well, as Bret tells David that he had to go through Heather to get to him, but knew it would happen eventually. Bret takes them to one of his favorite restaurants, the Saddle Ranch Chop House. Heather already loves the place. Really, they are totally meant to be. Bret wastes no time in ordering a giant beer bong. Brenda says that she doesn't drink that stuff, and Heather tells her not to worry; they'll order her a screwdriver. I love Heather's parents. Well, except, okay. Brenda tells David to tell the story of "the Chinese" that was next to him. It's something about farting. I'm sure it's funny when you're there to hear it. Bret loves that Heather's parents hit the bottle and started telling jokes. They're all laughing and having a great time. Heather -- who loves that her dad is off the wall and says crazy shit all the time -- is glad that Bret thinks he's hilarious, too.
At some point when the beer bong is near completion, Bret decides that Heather should ride the bull. She agrees and then, well, let's let her tell it: "The bull starts shimmy-shaking. My tatters are flip-flopping everywhere. People are cheering. Gosh." Gosh, indeed. She gets thrown on her ass, but is glad to do it. She'll risk anything to please Bret, including exposure to STDs that have heretofore only been found in rare Amazonian lizards. David is totally crocked, everyone's having a great time, and both Heather and Bret agree that the date was the best. Bret was glad to see Heather with her family: she's straight and open and pulls no punches, and neither do they, and that's the kind of family Bret comes from, too. Heather's family totally reminds me of my own, and it makes me love them and her even more.
Bret then heads over to meet Jes and her parents at one of his favorite stores, Rock N' Roll Religion. Didn't Cher, like, do mail order for them for a minute during the infomercial era? I just remember her on The Rosie O'Donnell Show hawking, like, gothic cross necklaces or something. Not that it made me love her less. I might have even ordered one. British fashion expert Michelle is the consultant for the day, and Jes's parents get the works. They're trying on all sorts of clothes, and Bret even instructs Deb in the art of hiding your bald spots with a bandana/hat combo. Jim strikes a cool pose in a rocker shirt. Bret notices that Jes really, really gets along with her fun-loving family, and says he enjoys that. They actually go out on the street in their new clothes, which shows that they are good sports. Bret interviews that the date was a nine and a half, if not a ten.