Rock of Love

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Meet The Parents

Heather, from across the table, asks Lacey if she's drinking, and suggests that she might not want to do that night after night. She asks if Lacey told her dad about knocking down the forty bottles. Lacey says she did, and is getting a bill from the casino. Bret realizes that there is a time bomb about to go off at the table, and very soon the shit is going to hit the motherfucking fan. Heather asks Otis whether Lacey got the partying from him. Lacey tries to say that she just drinks beer in her real life, and Heather notes that it's been more than just beer in the house. Otis's head gets redder and redder. Heather busts out with "You've been drunker than hell, running around naked!" She says it in a very folksy way, and Karen laughs. Otis? Does not laugh. Lacey says that she streaked, and thinks she was sober when doing so. Jes interviews that it was clear that Lacey was really uncomfortable when Heather started calling her out. Karen pulls Lacey out of the room and asks what's up with Heather. She notes that she's making a lot of insinuations, and Lacey might want to show some freaking awareness for once in her life. Lacey's all, "Yeah, yeah, that's a good point." What a loser.

Dinner continues, and Heather says that she can't believe she was the only one up on the bull at lunch. Otis asks who would eat in a restaurant with a mechanical bull. Uh, obviously they just did, you big jerk. I mean, at this point he's just being an asshole on purpose. Bret gets a little offended and interviews that he, and everybody, loves the Saddle Ranch, which is a great, fun, unpretentious place. Also, he's confused, since Otis is from Dallas, Texas. Yes, but on South Fork you never have to eat with the common people unless Miss Ellie is having one of her charity luncheons. Otis tells Bret that it's like "Billy Bob's L.A.," and asks if he could make it a little more hip. Again, this is from a man with a diamond stud in his ear. And I'm sure Otis has more than once pointed out, "It's in the left ear, so it doesn't mean I'm gay." Bret is not digging that Otis is busting on where he chose to go. It's always the refined people who have no fucking manners. Finally, Bret has had enough and excuses himself from dinner. He knows it was a disaster. Even Jes's dad has to say, "Poor Bret." Everyone goes to bed.

The next morning, Bret has to beat on the old punching bag to release some tension. This is not a good sign. Bret has a gut feeling that there's something up with Lacey and her dad. Like -- what kind of something? Are we in for a Chinatown moment, here? Lacey's dad was derogatory toward Bret, and he hopes that Lacey's not secretly the same. He talks to Lacey and tells her he's offended, and wonders why Lacey's dad seems to think he needs cash and/or is a fucking leech. And for reals, I know I make fun of what a has-been Bret is, but, you know, "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." He's sold a lot of records. And been a host on Nashville Star! I'm sure he's doing just fine. And after all, nobody's proposing Otis Conner: Rock Of Love, are they? Though, actually, that might be kind of awesome. And Lacey would probably be a contestant.

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Rock of Love

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