Dallas gets in a few hearty shoves, but Lacey just keeps coming back at her. Everyone else in the house is totally done with the whole thing, and Rodeo finally has to intervene. She yanks Lacey off Dallas with some force and then, I think, hogties her like Doralee Rhodes did Mr. Hart in a pot-fueled fantasy sequence. At this moment, it all came to me, too: Time magazine says, "Holly Hunter and Anna Paquin reunite for the first time since The Piano in a pole-dancing tour de force. As Lacey, Paquin fully comes into her own as an actress to be reckoned with. The Rock Of Love Story is the year's first great film." Lacey is pissed that Rodeo stopped her purposeful antagonism of Dallas. Rodeo's response? "I might be a southern lady, but I manhandled that bitch." She actually gives a tip of the hat, too. Why hasn't anyone made a talking Rodeo doll yet? She is for sure a staunch character. S-T-A-U-N-C-H. Lacey says that Dallas is lucky to have gotten away from her this time, but tomorrow is a new day. I, like, want Dallas to punch Lacey so hard that she has a Brandi C.-sized disability.
Bret is pumped up for his date with Sam and Magdalena. Both women said they wanted to have a date where they got to know him, so he set up something very romantic to give them insight into his life, after which he'll get insight into their lives. There's a little table with popcorn and snacks set up by the pool, and also a movie screen. The feature attraction? The Making Of Bret Michaels. Yes, it's a documentary all about Bret. I am totally going to do that on my next date. "Let's watch this documentary about meeeeeee! I had it made for just such an occasion." Bret's past features some tight sparkly pants, in case you forgot. Have I mentioned that Bret is wearing his formal date ski hat? It does not have sequins on it, sadly.
Bret then learns a little about Sam and Magdalena. Sam says that music is so important to her because she has a learning disability. It sounds like ADD/ADHD. Her creative side is broader, and music was her form of therapy. Bret feels a strong connection to her. They bond over their love of Metallica and Pantera, while Magdalena sits and twiddles her gonads. When Bret turns to her, Maggie tells him that she never was his fan, being from Poland and all. This means that she's there for love. Bret, of course, finds this to be a turn-on. Conjoined twin? Turn-on. One of those pustules that looks like a mole but is actually filled with teeth and hair and stuff? Turn-on. Pictures of you drunkenly making out with your schnauzer? Turn-on.