Rock of Love

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Once A Cowgirl

Previously: Mud n' boobs! And Daisy was the muddiest and most boobiful of all. Ambre had some banged-up knees, and not for the reasons you think, you pervs. Catherine was upset that she traveled here all the way from 1966 and hasn't gotten to spend much quality time with Bret, while Kristy Joe is super-familiar with the guy at the County Clerk's office who issues restraining orders.

The girls get a wake-up call from none other than Mr. Michaels himself, who sleeps in a Steelers t-shirt (represent!) and a wig/bandana/hat combo. Think how happy his scalp will be when, one day, he allows it to experience oxygen. Peyton rolls out of bed, and Bret tells her that she looks like a ray of sunshine. A ray of sunshine who smokes three packs a day. Peyton hides her face. Good call. She reminds us that Bret eliminated no one last week, which means that two bitches are going to have to hitch a ride home from a dentally-challenged trucker this week. There's not a whole lot of room for mistakes. Bret rips the covers off of Kristy Joe, who sleeps in a sports bra. People who sleep in bras, tell me one thing: why? Bret promises the ladies that today is going to be a good day.

Big John delivers Bret Mail: "Good morning my little ladies/My heart belongs to rock n' roll/But the country boy is still in my soul." Okay, I have to stop the Bret Mail here and interject that Bret grew up in Pittsburgh. I grew up in Pittsburgh too, and while people there shoot a lot of deer, I don't think that qualifies it as being "country." But I digress. The Bret Mail continues: "I love to ride and be in the wild/I need a girl who can do it in style/So pull up your boots and put on your hats/And meet me downstairs in one hour flat." Woo, horses! Catherine tells us that she grew up on horses. I'll bet there were knights jousting on them, too. She's psyched that she might finally be about to catch a break. You know, if I were a betting woman, I'd put $50 on the fact that Catherine hasn't bought a new pair of jeans since 1972.

The girls pull up to a big rodeo arena place, where Bret meets them. He interviews that there's a lot of country left in this long-haired (HA!) rocker boy, and that if any of these girls can't handle themselves in the corral, they won't ride off into the sunset with little old him. Bret is wearing his lopsided wig, which is, I guess, what wranglers do. Catherine notes that she and Jessica are the only women who haven't gone on a date with Bret, and that if she doesn't get to spend some time with him now, she's going home.

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Rock of Love

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