Rock of Love

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Once A Cowgirl

And then it's time for Jessica's solo date! She says that this date is going to make or break her. Jessica seems very cute, and I wonder what on earth she's doing on this show. She tells us that her worst fear is that there won't be a connection with Bret. There's definitely some physical chemistry, but she worries that maybe there's nothing else there. I don't know. I'd feel relieved not to have a mental connection with Bret Michaels. Turns out Bret and Jessica are playing outdoor paintball. Is that environmentally safe? They shoot some targets, and Jessica lays a big smooch on him. Bret thinks this is going to be a very good date. After target practice, Bret and Jessica suit up in their camouflage gear, and we learn that their opponent is going to be Big John. Turns out he is a former U.S. Marine and was a sniper. He gets to shoot at them from a tower. Something tells me that a dream of Big John's is coming true right now. So is Jessica's: she can imagine nothing better than to make out in a field full of paint and guns and sweat. I take back my implication that she's too good to be on this show.

Bret and Jessica's mission is to hit three targets and avoid getting shot. Bret loves that Jessica is game for the game, and she does a pretty good job of hitting some targets. Bret gets hit by Big John. Jessica wails, "Breeeeeeeeeetttttttt!," but manages to have enough sense to shoot the third and final target. Good times, good times. After the match, Bret and Jessica have a sunset dinner on the side of a hill. Bret asks Jessica whether she has real feelings for him, and she says he makes her feel safe. He wonders if safe is sexy. McGruff thinks so. Didn't you ever wonder what's under that trenchcoat? Jessica clarifies that Bret's strong. Like, strong in the way that he's going to throw her down on the bed and ravage her. Between this statement and Catherine's negligee, I feel like we're suddenly all part of a Danielle Steel novel. Need I mention the swarthy Italian count-turned-plumber who just showed up at the door to inspect my pipes? A bead of sweat dripped down from his manly tanned jawline to his bulging bicep as he crouched under my sink, cranking his wrench with expert, firm hands. But I digress. Bret notes that Jessica's sweet and innocent side is melting away quickly. As quickly as the ice cube that Count Mozzarella touched to the tip of his tongue as he laid down his tools and appraised me favorably in my sheer black chemise.

Back at the house, Daisy and Megan drag lawn chairs outside of Bret's bedroom door to ensure that he will see them when he gets home. Bret and Jessica enter talking about how fun their date was. Peyton runs up to Bret and puts a note in his hand. The hell? Knock it off with the notes, woman. I'd boot her just for that. The other girls run up to Bret all sexily dressed. Jessica tells us that she was pretty worried about being eliminated before she had her date with Bret, but that she's feeling golden now. Bret seems happy to see Megan and Daisy, but he has some business to attend to. Daisy hopes that he hasn't forgotten about her.

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Rock of Love

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