Rock of Love

Episode Report Card
Potes: A | 436 USERS: C+
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Peepshow

Angelique announces that she wants to show Bret that, in addition to getting nekkid and such, she can be a good housewife. So she's preparing a chocolate mousse and chocolate cake. Anything she's preparing with her bare hands has to be some sort of health code violation, right? Sarah is going to try belly-dancing, even though she's never done it before. Mysteriously, she has a belly-dancing skirt with all the jingly things. Maybe she thought she'd take it up during her free time in the house. Ambre is wrapping herself up like a present. Yeah, I don't know. Kristy Joe thinks it's pretty dumb, too. Niki is writing a poem! Ha! Let us quote Peyton: "As sweet as she is, that sucks." Inna Tuna's talent, of course, is tying cherry stems in knots with her tongue. As she puts on a bedazzled bandana -- which, how many of these women thought to do that? -- it's show time.

The women head to meet Bret, where they find neon lights and a peep show booth. Siouxsie Sioux must have had a vision of this moment when she put together the phrase "Peepshow, creepshow" 20-odd years ago. Basically, the girls have 30 seconds to perform in the peepshow booth in front of Bret and a highly ironic sign saying, "Live Shows: Classy Girls." However, if Bret likes what they're doing, he can put a token in a machine and the girls will get an extra 15 seconds. It's like the "Open Your Heart" video, except Bret holds the lock and we hold the Valtrex. Niki doesn't know what she'll do if Bret ends up liking her poem but she says it too fast and can't fill the extra 15 seconds. Eh, just show your boobs. Another victim of overthinking. The top three peepshowers get a date with Bret. Several of the girls crack a brewski to prepare themselves. Daisy is super-nervous to perform in front of Bret because, and I quote, "He's like a god." If you close your eyes, Daisy sounds just like Gwen Stefani. Opening your eyes isn't something I'd recommend. Oh, and as it turns out, all the other girls get to watch the peepshow performances on a little TV. Awesome.

Aubrey is the first to go, and her talent is playing the drums. Suffice it to say that Aubrey is completely unfamiliar with the concepts of either drumming or rhythm. She gets no extra 15 seconds. Destiney does some kick-ass kung-fu moves, and it kind of turns Bret on. She gets another token, and thanks God for the privilege. Everyone in Kenya is like, "If only He hadn't been so transfixed by the kung-fu." Niki is next with her poem, which begins, "Here I stand before you, with my heart worn on my sleeve / God I am so nervous, I can barely breathe." Now Bret knows what it's like to be on the receiving end of a Bret Mail. Niki does not get an extra token. And then Korie writes "Merry Me" on chart paper. Even Bret knows that it's spelled "Marrey." He isn't impressed. There's another poem from Catherine, which doesn't impress Bret either.

Rock of Love

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