Hey, there's a box of props! And Bret Mail! Oh, God, and Angelique gets to read it. She announces that it's a song before reading, "I need a woman wiz talent and style / Keep me unterested un you will stay for a while. / Today each of you give me a peek / Uv what you zink make you unique / Shake eet a leetle / Shake it a lot / Be sure to show me what you got!" Those last three lines are totally straight from a Poison song. People aren't entirely sure what the fuck Angelique is talking about, but their best guess is that it's a talent show. And I mean, quels idiots. A talent show on Rock of Love is like a talent show on the Miss Universe Pageant: pointless. And, like, all their talents are going to involve poles and ping-pong balls and doing impressions of what their cooters looked like pre-labiapasty. Oh, except Destiney. Her talent is kung-fu.
Angelique announces that she wants to show Bret that, in addition to getting nekkid and such, she can be a good housewife. So she's preparing a chocolate mousse and chocolate cake. Anything she's preparing with her bare hands has to be some sort of health code violation, right? Sarah is going to try belly-dancing, even though she's never done it before. Mysteriously, she has a belly-dancing skirt with all the jingly things. Maybe she thought she'd take it up during her free time in the house. Ambre is wrapping herself up like a present. Yeah, I don't know. Kristy Joe thinks it's pretty dumb, too. Niki is writing a poem! Ha! Let us quote Peyton: "As sweet as she is, that sucks." Inna Tuna's talent, of course, is tying cherry stems in knots with her tongue. As she puts on a bedazzled bandana -- which, how many of these women thought to do that? -- it's show time.
The women head to meet Bret, where they find neon lights and a peep show booth. Siouxsie Sioux must have had a vision of this moment when she put together the phrase "Peepshow, creepshow" 20-odd years ago. Basically, the girls have 30 seconds to perform in the peepshow booth in front of Bret and a highly ironic sign saying, "Live Shows: Classy Girls." However, if Bret likes what they're doing, he can put a token in a machine and the girls will get an extra 15 seconds. It's like the "Open Your Heart" video, except Bret holds the lock and we hold the Valtrex. Niki doesn't know what she'll do if Bret ends up liking her poem but she says it too fast and can't fill the extra 15 seconds. Eh, just show your boobs. Another victim of overthinking. The top three peepshowers get a date with Bret. Several of the girls crack a brewski to prepare themselves. Daisy is super-nervous to perform in front of Bret because, and I quote, "He's like a god." If you close your eyes, Daisy sounds just like Gwen Stefani. Opening your eyes isn't something I'd recommend. Oh, and as it turns out, all the other girls get to watch the peepshow performances on a little TV. Awesome.