Rock of Love

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Back at the Hungry Valley date, Ambre is on cloud nine when she and Bret return to the other girls She tells us it's the best date she's ever had in her whole entire life. Ambre was a nun for 86 years before renouncing her vows and appearing on this show.

And then, copying scandale resumes! The three VIPS get chairs and put them right in front of the door, so they can be sure to get Bret right when he enters. Inna Tuna and Angelique get chairs and put them EVEN CLOSER to the door. Megan remarks that some people can't come up with their own ideas. Inna Tuna tells her to shut the fuck up. Inna Tuna terrifies me, but I kind of love her. She is the sort of girl who will tell you that she's going to beat your ass, and then actually beat it.

Bret enters and receives the ambush with pleasure. Angelique notes that she was dressed like a stripper slut, and she's sure that Bret saw her first. Do you think Angelique is actually that French woman who got her face bitten off by a dog? But the face transplant didn't actually go that well, so the doctors just put Mr. Potato Head pieces on her and were like, "Well, it's better than open seeping wounds, isn't it?" She and Inna Tuna go to wait for Bret in the living room, and he accepts kisses from the VIPs. Inexplicably, he loves the card. Korie interviews that she is disgusted by the little puppy dogs who are waiting by the doors for Bret's attention, and then I think she says that she has to shit, but she's still seen. I have to be honest here: I have no idea what she's talking about.

Angelique and Inna Tuna tell Bret that they've organized the floor for the dance contest. Bret totally doesn't remember that he even suggested such a toolish idea, but totally plays it off and says that they KNEW he REALLY wanted to do it, so they took the bull by the horns. As a reward for their vigilance, Bret tells Inna Tuna and Angelique that they can be the dance contest JUDGES. This is how Sandra Day O'Connor started her career. Tangentially, wouldn't it be awesome if Hillary Rodham Clinton stopped by the Rock of Love house on the campaign trail? She already did Tyra, so I wouldn't say it's out of the question. If she goes on to win the nomination, she will do everything in her power to ensure that the third installment in this series is Barack of Love.

And then, dance off! Each girl will pick an old school dance -- a la The Robot -- out of a hat, and then will have to do it. The three women who do the best will get VIP passes, which will basically allow them to interrupt Bret when he's with another ho and squirrel away some time with him. Roxy is ready to rock it. Angelique, who is sporting a terrifying amount of underboob, and Inna Tuna, who is sporting a terrifying amount of fishnet bodystocking, have absolute power. Bret lets us know, in case we had any doubt, that this is more about bringing the sexy than dancing. And to think I practiced the fully clothed Macarena for hours!

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Rock of Love

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