Rock of Love

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!

The girls, who have greater math skills than I heretofore gave them credit for, deduce that since there are fifteen beds, five girls are going. The VIPs don't seem particularly nervous, but the others are feeling some jitters. Bret emerges and notices that someone's missing. Big John tells him that Courtney isn't going to make it. It is kind of a sad statement that getting so drunk that you pass out is one of the least humiliating things you can do on this show. Bret gets down to business. He calls Megan first. She says that she and Bret have magical chemistry and were made for each other. Tuna wants to slap the crap out of Megan. She might, too. Daisy, whom Bret calls his sex kitten, is next to be called. Then there's Destiney. Things are looking strong for the VIPs! Erin totally thinks she's going to called next, but is sadly denied in favor of Aubrey. Then there's Peyton, Nina, Roxy, Korie, Jessica, Sara, and Catherine. It's a victory for '60s hair everywhere! Kristy Joe interviews that she knows Bret's equal opportunity, but Catherine is kind of old. She asks, "Are you...really into that?" Sometimes I hate life. In any case, Kristy Joe is called next. Megan is suspicious of Kristy Joe's supposed germophobia, and doesn't think she's really there for Bret. Niki is called next, followed by Angelique, who Bret says is "interesting." Interesting in the way that she once had gonads and is completely fucking busted. I mean...holy flaming shitballs. I don't know if I can take this.

One pass left! Bret's heart is pounding. Ambre will be bummed if she doesn't get called. Ashley is sitting back and holding her asscheeks together. Erin will be shocked if she goes home. The last pass goes to the girl who Bret thinks will be his party buddy -- it's Jackye the magnificent pole dancer. Erin is dumbstruck. But then! Bret asks Jackye if she'll stay in the house and rock his world. She says she has something to tell him. Before Bret came out, Jackye says, she wanted to go home. She was scared and nervous, and has really bad anxiety. However, when Bret came out and was all fun and genuine, she decided she wanted to stay. Bret wants to make sure that Jackye really wants to be there, because there are five other, er, beautiful girls there and if Bret sends one of them home only to have Jackye say tomorrow that she wants to leave, he'll feel terrible. Jackye says it would be better for her to go home, and to give another girl a chance. Bret thanks her for her honesty, and she bids adieu. Wise girl. She gets a little verklempt, but doesn't think it's a decision she'll regret. I should say not!

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Rock of Love




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