Rock of Love

Ep.

Title

Air/Pub'l

Grade

Author

3-13
Weecap

Pretty Pretenders and Negligent Vendors

Reunion - Natasha gives Kelsey the beatdown, Ashley is drunk off her ass, at least two former contestants who are not Ashley have gone into rehab, Constandina sticks a sparkly third eye on Bret's bandana, and Riki Rachtman totally needs to buy Mindy a copy of Don't Call That Man!.

04.19.2009
04.20.2009
A

Potes

3-12
Weecap

The Battle of Who Could Care Less

Bret's Rock of Love III - Taya doesn't even put out and STILL wins. What the French?

04.12.2009
04.13.2009
B+

Potes

3-11
Weecap

Funked Up

Double Dates - Mindy's in a funk. Taya's in a funk. Jamie's just kind of funky. It's the final three, everybody!

04.05.2009
04.07.2009
B-

Potes

3-10
Weecap

Unhinged Melody

Duet To Me One More Time - The girls write lyrics to a Bret Michaels song, and only one is clever enough to incorporate the word "skanks." Meanwhile, dull, catfights, dull, duller. Can someone please start a campaign to bring back Farrah and Ashley?

03.22.2009
03.23.2009
B

Potes

3-9
Weecap

Fool Brittanya

Episode 9 - The girls' ex-boyfriends stop by to dish the dirt to Ambre and Heather. Brittanya takes this chance to assault Heather with fists and spit, so Bret decides her tour will stop here. Then he asks Ashley, whose ex is really not an ex at so much as a current boyfriend, if she's ready to have a relationship with him. She's not, so she goes, too.

03.15.2009
03.16.2009
B

Sara M

3-8
Weecap

Children of the Scorn

Bikini Day Care - In an ongoing effort to corrupt our youth, Bret Michaels gives several children the babysitters of a lifetime.

03.08.2009
03.09.2009
A

Potes

3-7
Weecap

Speedbumping Uglies

Truck Stop Games - The girls show their skills at belly flopping into a tub of beer and working the pole at the first annual Truck Stop Games. Meanwhile, Kami voluntarily gets off the bus, Kelsey learns that speedbumps are always there for you in tough times, and Taya's real name is Laurie!

03.01.2009
03.02.2009
A+

Potes

3-6
Weecap

Stuporbowl

Episode 6 - It's Bret's annual Mud Bowl! Mindy is the MVP and quite possibly is devirginized as a reward. Bret gets some sad news on the road, and shows some common sense in realizing that a bus full of skanks is not the best environment for someone who's just lost a family member.

02.15.2009
02.16.2009
A-

Potes

3-5
Weecap

In With the New

Episode 5 - Bret's not feeling a connection with any of the existing girls, so he adds three newbies to the tour. He then gets upset when everybody's totally fine with it, and the home viewing audience gets to bask in the glow of his crippling insecurity.

02.08.2009
02.09.2009
A

Potes

3-4
Weecap

Cheeseburger in Paradise

Roadies - Ashley witnesses Beverly kissing Bret's drummer, requests a cheeseburger, then threatens to puke on your mom. All in a day's work.

01.25.2009
01.30.2009
A

Potes

3-3
Weecap

Pop Goes the Weasel

Episode 3 - The girls hit the ice rink against Lacey and a team of female hockey players, which leaves Melissa with a popped implant and Brittaney with a reputation as a sock-stealer. Meanwhile, Beverly is no fun at all when her first date with Bret takes place in a strip club. Jerk.

01.18.2009
01.19.2009
A

Potes

3-2
Weecap

Bride of Skankenstein

Episode Two - Bret has the girls write him some mock wedding vows, which some use as an opportunity to express their willingness to get tapped from behind, and Brittaney uses as an opportunity to begin the unveiling of her true crackhead self. Meanwhile, Constandina picks the wrong time to take a vow of chastity.

01.11.2009
01.12.2009
A

Potes

3-1
Weecap

The Best Dorito We've Ever Tasted

Season Premiere - Two buses plus 20 skanks plus one aging rock star equals a tragic sort of amusement for us, the home viewing audience. In the premiere, we learn that life is hard on the road, as evidenced by one contestant nearly getting choked to death and another serving shots out of her vagina. True fact.

01.04.2009
01.05.2009
A

Potes

2-13
Recap

Reunited and It Feels Like a Punch to the Head

Reunion - As Heather tries her best to give Daisy a concussion, Bret manages not to get dumped again on national TV.

04.20.2008
04.21.2008
A+

Potes

2-12
Recap

Bret's Rock of Love

Bret's Rock of Love - Bret takes Ambre and Daisy to Cancun to determine who will be his rock of love, and someone learns the hard way that -- you guessed it -- even the rose of manufactured TV romance has its thorn.

04.13.2008
04.14.2008
A

Potes

2-11
Recap

Rockin' the Rents

Rockin' the Rents - It's the second annual meet the parents episode! This time with 100% fewer accusations of dicksuckery. (Boo.)

04.06.2008
04.07.2008
B+

Potes

2-10
Recap

Bitter Suite

Bitter Suite - Everyone hates Daisy. Well, everyone except for the one man who will forgive her anything she tells him if he can look down her shirt as she's saying it. In Vegas!

03.20.2008
03.31.2008
A+

Potes

2-9
Recap

Going to Ex-tremes

Going to Ex-tremes - Heather's back, bitches, and she will get you drunk and make you tell her all about how you still live with your ex-boyfriend. If you're Daisy, that is.

03.23.2008
03.24.2008
A

Potes

2-8
Recap

Video Vixens

Video Vixens - The girls shoot videos for two of Bret's new songs. Sadly, neither of them involves a waxen mannequin wearing a wig.

03.15.2008
03.17.2008
B+

Potes

2-7
Recap

Red, White, And A Little Blue

Red, White, And A Little Blue - There's a lot of Kristy Joe drama, but everything pales in light of the fact that Daisy has apparently never heard the U.S. national anthem. And, in sad news for fishes everywhere, Inna Tuna is sent back to the sea.

03.01.2008
03.03.2008
A

Potes

2-6
Recap

Once A Cowgirl

Once A Cowgirl - It's a bad day for the more mature set as Peyton and Catherine get the boot. At least they'll have that AARP magazine cover story to look forward to.

02.23.2008
02.24.2008
A

Potes

2-5
Recap

Mud Bowl II

Mud Bowl II - Daisy is the MVP of the second annual Mud Bowl, which means Bret takes her on a special date to the Whore Store. Romance is alive!

02.16.2008
02.18.2008
A+

Potes

2-4
Recap

A Ride On The Wild Side

A Ride On The Wild Side - A motorcycle challenge and '50s style pinup shoot are completely overshadowed by the fact that Aubrey took one too many hormone pills this week.

02.09.2008
02.11.2008
A

Potes

2-3
Recap

Stroller Derby

Stroller Derby - Lacey's back in all of her baby-beating glory, and while Destiney and Daisy try to take out Kristy Joe, it is our precious Angelique who pays the price for loving to display the goods that God -- and a team of surgeons who got their medical degrees in, like, Bora-Bora -- gave her.

01.26.2008
01.28.2008
B+

Potes

2-2
Recap

Peepshow

Peepshow - Note to self: When participating in a peepshow, try licking one's own boobs. And always know the difference between The Worm and The Shopping Cart. It might come in handy one day.

01.19.2008
01.21.2008
A

Potes

2-1
Recap

Premiere

Premiere - We meet the 20...lovely?...ladies?...who want a crack at Jes's sloppy seconds. To be honest, it's all a little terrifying.

01.12.2008
01.16.2008
B+

Potes

1-12
Recap

Season 1 Reunion

Season 1 Reunion - It's just like the DJ says: love's a game of easy come and easy go.

09.29.2007
01.14.2008
A

Potes

1-11
Recap

The Rose & The Thorn

The Rose & The Thorn - As you well know, Jes wins. Er, "wins."

09.22.2007
01.13.2008
A

Potes

1-10
Recap

Meet The Parents

Meet The Parents - Bret invites the parents of his final three to come stay at the house for a few days, and we learn why God invented television.

09.15.2007
01.11.2008
A+

Potes

1-9
Recap

Vegas Baby

Vegas Baby - A trip to Vegas has the girls seeing Bret in concert and, in the case of Jes and Lacey, seeing things I don't even want to think about. Meanwhile, Brandi M. loves Bret, then she doesn't, then she does, and he just can't deal with it no more.

09.08.2007
01.10.2008
B+

Potes

1-8
Recap

Superfan Challenge

Superfan Challenge - If Heather's wardrobe made you question her taste, wait until you see her get Bret's name tattooed on her neck.

09.01.2007
01.08.2008
A

Potes

1-7
Recap

Show Me Your Hits

Show Me Your Hits - Brandi proves that not even a hot stripper can look good in a Willie Nelson beard as Bret gets an earful about Lacey. In the end, it's a mouthful that saves her, and Mia is sent home instead.

08.25.2007
01.08.2008
A

Potes

1-6
Recap

Tour Bus Challenge

Tour Bus Challenge - Get on the bus, Gus! But only after you dig around in a dumpster for Bret's favorite guitar pick.

08.18.2007
01.07.2008
A

Potes

1-5
Recap

First Annual Bret's Mudbowl

First Annual Bret's Mudbowl - While Jes gets to know Bret better, we learn that Erin possibly wants to "wait on" Justin Timberlake and Heather possibly "banged" Vanilla Ice. Bret, who has possibly lost his ability to flow like a harpoon daily and nightly, is perturbed.

08.11.2007
01.07.2008
B+

Potes

1-4
Recap

Riff It Good

Riff It Good - The girls sing! It's really terrible, but at least it's better than Bret singing. And, sadly, it's the end of the legend that is Rodeo.

08.04.2007
01.03.2008
A

Potes

1-3
Recap

Motocross

Motocross - The girls get down on some dirt bikes, while a nation prays for Dallas to knock a bitch out.

07.28.2007
01.02.2008
A

Potes

1-2
Recap

Talk Dirty To Me

Talk Dirty To Me - Everyone is up in arms that Erin has a boyfriend. But she actually...oh, never mind.

07.21.2007
01.01.2008
A

Potes

1-2
Recap

The Casting Special

The Casting Special - If you are looking to learn tricks you can do with fake boobs, you have found your Mecca.

06.30.2007
12.31.2007
B

Potes

1-1
Recap

Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time

Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time - In which Bret gets introduced to twenty-five pairs of giant breasts, and we all learn that if you chich you wadda.

07.14.2007
12.31.2007
A+

Potes

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